In a bold move that shocked absolutely no one, the district attorney's office decided to whisk their prosecutors away on a field trip to “get a taste of the justice system from the other side.” The trip, aptly named “Behind Bars & In the Hot Seat,” was designed to give prosecutors a firsthand experience of what it’s like to be on the wrong end of a courtroom gavel. Wearing matching fluorescent orange T-shirts inscribed with “Guilty as Charged” on the front and “Prosecutors Gone Wild” on the back, the energetic group embarked on their adventure with all the zeal of a kindergarten class headed to the zoo. Their first stop? The county jail, where they were greeted by inmates who seemed more excited about the visit than the prosecutors, as they had a thrilling two-hour lecture planned on the intricacies of plea deals. “Honestly, we did this to promote empathy,” explained Chief Prosecutor Vera Gatekeeping as she sat in an uncomfortably small plastic chair meant for much smaller individuals. “We figured, what better way to understand the defense side than by witnessing inmates with remarkably strong opinions about their legal representation?” Gatekeeping later added that if prosecutors were truly empathetic, they would likely keep their meetings at the jail catered with extra bland sandwiches just to feel the ‘prison experience.’ Next on the itinerary was a special “Hot Seat” session where prosecutors were strapped into what can only be described as an oversized electric chair while they individually faced the judge—acting in the role of the unnerved defense lawyer—who lobbed random legal questions at them. The goal was to simulate the pressure of a trial, which many found easier said than done, especially when the judge began asking tricky questions like “Name three vegetables” and “What color is the sky?” “I thought I was prepared,” said Assistant Prosecutor Larry Lotta, visibly sweating. “But when the judge started feigning a heart attack right before I was about to answer, I realized that courtroom drama is much more intense than Netflix led me to believe.” The day culminated in a surprising twist: a game of dodgeball against the inmates. Judges expressed concern that the game could lead to poor sportsmanship, but Gatekeeping insisted it was merely a “team-building exercise” intended to strengthen the relationship between prosecutors and defendants. As it turned out, the inmates had been practicing for months and shared their own insights on “how to throw a lawyer off their game,” leading to a resounding victory on the side of the criminals. Rumor has it that the prosecutors will now have to endure two weeks of intensive sports training to recover their dignity. By the end of the day, spirits were high despite overwhelming exhaustion and a few minor injuries, as every prosecutor was too sore to reach their filing cabinets. As they loaded up the bus to return, Gatekeeping proclaimed, “We’ll be back! We’ve learned so much today about the desperate need for reform, but also about the immense joy of throwing a ball at someone who desperately wants to file a motion to dismiss.” Local citizens eagerly await next month’s field trip theme: “Lunch with the Jury,” where prosecutors will take turns dining under the constant scrutiny of a jury of their supposed peers, likely over a 7-course meal consisting entirely of legal jargon. If only they could escape through a plea deal of sandwiches instead!