In a spectacular demonstration of both irony and budget-friendly awkwardness, the U.S. Attorney General has embarked on a much-anticipated "Tour de Correction," which aims to showcase the nation's correctional facilities — and, in some cases, correct an insatiable thirst for both selfies and clumsy puns. The tour kicked off at the Stalwarts of Justice Penitentiary, where the Attorney General was greeted by inmates performing a choreographed dance number, inspired by “Orange is the New Black.” “We’ve got a lot of talent in these walls,” the Attorney General said, struggling to suppress a grin, “which is arguably more than we get from Congress!” Adjusting to the prismatic world of corrections, the Attorney General donned a brightly colored jumpsuit — complete with an adjustable waistline — claiming it was part of a new, cutting-edge initiative to build rapport with the incarcerated. “Nothing says ‘I understand your plight’ like a fashion faux pas!” he proclaimed, only to watch as guards desperately tried to catch falling pants in real-time. Over the next few days, the tour continued its delightful awkwardness, leading the Attorney General to state that he was on a mission to "rehabilitate" the perception of jails in America. It seems he took a cue from the "Escape Room" trend because whenever he was asked about the high incarceration rates in the country, he quickly pivoted to a conversation about communal escape practices. “Did you know we have a ‘Free Yourself Friday’ event in most facilities?” he mused. “Turns out there’s a lot of creativity behind bars!” In a shining moment of transparency, the Attorney General introduced the “Meet the Inmate” sessions where select inmates were allegedly chosen by lottery to pitch new prison reform ideas. As the first inmate proudly presented his plan for a “Culinary Correction” program, he was immediately met with applause — mostly from the other prisoners who were quite fond of anything that involved food and puns. “You could say I’m just trying to spice things up!” he quipped, clearly wanting to impress the guy in the sparkly jumpsuit. The tour culminated in a ‘Talent Show Behind Bars’ where the Attorney General played the role of judge, proudly flaunting his own extensive political resume. “They say I’ve got an ear for talent!” he said, shaking his head after the fifth act of interpretative dance that depicted the lifecycle of a bag of chips. As social media exploded over his bold fashion choices and questionable new catchphrases like “Justice is Always on Time…Unless it’s a Soft Lockdown,” the Attorney General concluded his tour with a heartfelt, albeit erratic, address about how “perhaps it’s time to correct our corrections and maybe…. just maybe, explore an escape plan of our own!” Experts note that it’s unlikely the tour will lead to any substantial reform, but the good news is that the Attorney General has reportedly secured a reality TV deal, promising to bring “Back Behind Bars: The Reality Show” a little closer to prime time. The nation is now left eagerly awaiting the inevitable sequel to this unintentional comedy tour: “Back with a Vengeance: The Attorney General Strikes Back.”