In a groundbreaking move that’s set to revolutionize both the automotive and digital marketing industries, local automaker Zoomer Motors has officially announced plans to replace traditional horsepower with "website power." The chief executive, while unveiling the new company slogan, "Rev Up Your Clicks!" stated, “Why waste resources on gas and mechanical horsepower when we can harness the unlimited power of internet traffic?” The radical shift comes as part of Zoomer’s innovative strategy to appeal to eco-conscious consumers who prefer browsing from the comfort of their homes rather than visiting gas stations or dealerships. “We realize our customers care more about their online presence than the torque of their engines,” added the CEO, fresh off a successful TikTok campaign featuring dancing robots. To incentivize this newfound approach, Zoomer Motors is offering free oil changes for every 1,000 website clicks generated by their online ads. “If you can get your friends to visit our site—whether it’s through social media shares, viral TikTok challenges, or even just sending a nostalgic e-card—you’re practically getting free car maintenance!” the CEO exclaimed, proudly displaying a chart showing a direct correlation between clicks and oil levels. In an attempt to modernize their vehicle lineup, Zoomer Motors is now introducing vehicles equipped with “Clicktronic” technology. This revolutionary feature measures your car's efficiency based on website traffic rather than fuel economy. “Imagine driving a car that performs better the more Twitter followers you gain! It’s a game changer!” shouted the head of product development, enthusiastically demonstrating how a spike in website traffic turned a sedan into a virtual Hummer, complete with flashing lights and honking horn emojis. Customers have expressed mixed feelings about Zoomer’s groundbreaking strategy. One concerned consumer shouted from the sidelines, “What if my internet goes down? Does my car refuse to start?” Others, however, seemed thrilled by the prospect of social media influencing their vehicle's performance. “If my car's value is determined by my likes on Instagram, then I’m ready to become an influencer!” declared a high school student who was already brainstorming selfies with her Zoomer Zoomer. The plan has also inspired a new array of marketing ideas, such as live streaming oil changes to maximize viewer engagement. “Why not turn maintenance into an event?” suggested the marketing director, revealing plans for a reality-style web series called “Click and Change.” The series will feature mechanics performing quick oil changes while hosting really intense discussions about the latest memes. Critics, however, are concerned that Zoomer Motors may be too late to the click-train. “How can they compete with electric cars that are already generating a buzz?” asked an analyst. “They’ll need developer-level internet speeds just to keep up!” In response, the automaker is working on a mobile app that rewards users with badges based on their car’s website power, giving out prizes for things like the most shares or hashtags. As Zoomer Motors prepares to roll out their absurdly ambitious plan, a team of engineers is optimizing their website for maximum viral potential while placing great emphasis on SEO, or as they like to call it, "Sustainable Engine Optimization." “We’re ready for a new era of automobiles,” concluded the CEO, riding high on the wave of internet excitement. “Get ready to trade horsepower for website power—your oil changes depend on it!” And with that, Zoomer Motors has positioned itself at the intersection of absurdity and innovation where horsepower meets hashtag power.