In an audacious display of its current hobby - complete and utter devastation - the wildfires rampaging across northern Australia have taken their game to a higher level. They've now scorched a land area larger than whole of Spain, or approximately a gazillion soccer fields, in case you're struggling with the sheer scale of this disaster. Well, clearly, this mischievous fire is not to be underestimated. The flames have reportedly claimed wildlife and forests through approximately 18.6 million hectares of Australia, more than the total land area of Spain, which happens to be a mere 17.5 million hectares. Trees, sprawling grasslands, cuddly koalas, firecracker kangaroos, chirping Kookaburras - nothing is off-limits for these cruel fires. Just when the land down under thought it had seen the worst of 2020, cue bushfires, COVID, and a trade dispute with one of its largest trading partners, the flames have fattened up, licking their way across the land with an insatiable yet remarkably consistent appetite. Not wanting to be outdone by its rival, the 2020 pandemic, which has claimed a measly ONE continent (nice try, Corona), the Australian wildfires seem to be hell-bent on engulfing an entire landmass themselves. After all, why claim a territory when you can claim an entire continent, right? However, in a move of commendable solidarity, sources indicate that Australia's destructive elements are taking turns to out-do each other. First, there were the unprecedented fires early this year, followed closely by the COVID-19 pandemic, and now, the fires are back with a vengeance, Hurt feelings and all. Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was spotted on the sidelines, possibly wondering if he can list "survived a continent-eating fire" on his LinkedIn profile or if it would make an impressive addition to his otherwise run-of-the-mill political career. Meanwhile, the rest of the citizens down under are preparing their best evening wear for the 'Apocalypse awards', a sure to be annual event where they vote for which disaster nearly annihilated their existence the most in the last year. Sydney, Brisbane, and Melbourne are currently worked up in a rivalry over which city will host the grim event. They better hurry with the decision-making as there's not much land left to host award shows, and New Zealand may take over, given their exemplary record in managing the disaster of the year, the COVID-19. Well, here's an idea: why not kill two birds with one stone? Let's broadcast the Global Warming warnings on the gigantic flames for all to see, echoing the impending doom of Mother Earth. Oh, wait. Do we still have birds left to kill? Maybe that's a story for next time.