In a stunning turn of events, the quaint town of Nowra, affectionately dubbed "the middle of nowhere," has officially declared itself the final stop on Australia's Grand Tour, a veritable carnival of sights that make you question the very essence of travel. Travelers seeking the sublime complexities of urban life are now being lured to this sleepy enclave with the promise of unremarkable landscapes and the kind of serenity that can only be found in a place where nothing ever happens. With dazzling attractions such as the local shopping centre, an uninspired collection of chain stores, and the famed Shoalhaven River, which some say has flow but little else to recommend it, visitors will question why they left their comfortable couches to explore this underwhelming hotspot. Tourists are urged to take part in the stimulating experience of watching paint dry on the walls of the many closed businesses that line Nowra's main street. In an outrageous bid to draw a crowd, local authorities have introduced “boredom tours” featuring obligatory stops at empty coffee shops and the town's most notable feature: a roundabout that leads to nowhere. Experts suggest that this experience is best enjoyed while contemplating the mysteries of existence, or, more realistically, while scrolling through Instagram to ensure you haven’t missed out on anything remotely interesting happening elsewhere. "Frankly, we were tired of these tourists chasing glitzy destinations," said the local council representative, while wearing a shirt that read "Welcome to Nowra, where the WiFi is weak but the disappointment is strong." He added, "Now, people can truly embrace their inner hermit by visiting our charming attractions that embody the very spirit of monotony." Stranger still, the town has introduced a “Culinary Adventure,” promising visitors the chance to savor a selection of half-cold meat pies and wilted sandwiches at the local bakery, much to the excitement of no one. Sceptics have noted that these options encapsulate the perfect culinary metaphor for Nowra: commonplace and slightly stale. Undeterred, the local tourism authority has partnered with local businesses to ensure that every visitor leaves with a souvenir that perfectly encapsulates the Nowra experience—an oversized keychain that reads, "I came, I saw, I yawned." According to reports, these souvenirs have been selling like hotcakes, but mostly to locals who want to boast about their weekend jaunts to “the big city.” In a bid to capitalize on the trend of restorative retreats, Nowra has also introduced “digital detox” experiences where one can unplug from the relentless stimulation of social media. This entails a weekend of staring at the ceiling while sipping on flat, lukewarm lattes, promising to be a uniquely enriching experience. So pack those bags—preferably to donate to a charity, since your trip to Nowra will surely leave you with a certain longing for the hustle and bustle of an actual destination. Indeed, spend a few hours mulling about in Nowra, because what better way to realize you truly are “in the middle of nowhere” than to stand in an empty field contemplating your life choices? Australia’s Grand Tour is now more about the “grand” joke than an actual tour, and nowhere embodies that sentiment better than Nowra.