In a stunning display of collective wisdom, residents of Adelaide have delivered a decisive 'no thanks' to yet another groundbreaking proposal aimed at revitalizing their fair city. The latest plan, which included an ambitious solar park and a bike-sharing program, was met with the type of enthusiasm typically reserved for root canals and tax audits. With an impressive turnout, citizens rallied to protect their cherished status quo, firmly arguing that who needs progress when you have an abundance of mediocrity? Local resident Margaret Treetop expressed her sheer bewilderment at the very notion of change. "Why would we want a solar park? It would only remind us that we could be harnessing the sun’s energy rather than... doing absolutely nothing with it!" she exclaimed, while clutching her beloved plastic shopping bags reeking of nostalgia and the unfulfilled promise of the 20th century. City Council member Doug Oldham was visibly shaken by the rejection of the solar park. “This was a chance to put Adelaide on the map as an innovator, a leader in green technology!” he lamented. Citizens quickly interrupted him: “Why would we want to be known for that? We’re perfectly happy being known for our questionable dietary choices and our cricket teams!” They waved their tradition-laden pies in the air as if they were trophies, proud of their culinary heritage. The bike-sharing program, which was touted as a way to reduce traffic and carbon emissions, received similar disdain. Local bike enthusiast, Barry “Two-Tires” Thompson, argued for its practicality only to be met with chants of “We already have legs, mate!” which echoed throughout the council chamber. Unfortunately, Barry was later seen pedaling away in defeated silence, his only companion being an angry plastic fork salvaged from his lunch. Faced with such resistance, Mayor Jan Coffeine took to social media to express her bewilderment. “When you hold a city meeting, you expect at least some progressive ideas to be considered! Instead, I was confronted by residents clinging to their outdated perceptions like toddler's clinging to teddy bears.” In what turned out to be a particularly incendiary tweet, she added, “We’re living in the 21st century! Embrace it, people!” to which her followers immediately responded with a wave of memes celebrating the 20th-century aesthetic of crocs and fanny packs. Meanwhile, pleased local businesses have taken a collective sigh of relief. Rumor has it that a new billboard campaign, “Nostalgia is the New Black,” has been quietly in the works, celebrating everything from VHS tapes to flip phones. “Change is overrated,” said local convenience store owner Stan Outdated, as he proudly displayed his stockpile of Beanie Babies and assorted retro candy. “They may say progress breeds innovation, but I say let’s keep our history nice and stagnant!” Critics are already warning that Adelaide is on the brink of becoming a museum exhibit to alternative history, where people visit not to witness what has evolved but what bravely chose to remain ignorant of evolution entirely. But with unyielding determination, the citizens of Adelaide stand united in their love for sameness, reportedly planning a ‘Mediocrity Festival’ that will undoubtedly showcase their steadfast commitment to resisting change. So, as Adelaide marches forward, or rather steadfastly nowhere at all, the world watches with bated breath. After all, who would want a better future when the present feels so remarkably cozy? Progress, take a number – you’re not welcome here!