CANBERRA, Australia -- In an effort to combat the widely held belief that Australians are nothing more than 'barbecue-obsessed larrikins', the Australian government has implemented a highly controversial new form of dining diplomacy - directly grilling its own citizens. The shock decision came after a board of befuddled politicians attempted to interpret the country's most famous saying, "Throw another shrimp on the barbie." "What we are hoping to achieve here is twofold," explained Malcolm Turnbull, Prime Minister of Australia and chief shrimp tosser. "Firstly, we want to show the world that Australian cuisine extends beyond the humble BBQ. Secondly, we are very keen to foster a sense of unity and camaraderie between all Australians, whether they prefer their meat rare or well-done." The new initiative was labelled "Operation Sizzle" and will allegedly see regular citizens placed atop massive government-funded, coal-fired barbecues for the purposes of 'grilling out their inferiorities and barbecuing away their insecurities,' according to a top-secret government memo. Thankfully, the Australian public has had a widely positive response to the government's attempts at literal culinary nationalism. "I mean, everyone loves a good barbie, eh?" said Darren Smith, a local mechanic who is currently nursing third-degree burns after the new treatment. "But as a country, we wanted to prove that we can come together, especially at dinner time, and just grill it out." At press time, the only group protesting any iteration of the scheme consists of vegan Australians, who are demanding that they be subjected to alternative, plant-based grilling in order to remain true to their diets. The government has responded favourably to their requests, and plans to invite them to a massive "Tofu and Tempeh Grilling" event that is scheduled for the end of the month. However, concerns are growing over how such endeavours will be funded. "I will admit funding is an issue," Turnbull conceded. "However, we are confident that we can cover the costs of these events by reallocating funds previously earmarked for renewable energy and climate change research. After all, what's more important - a functioning and healthy planet or the identity of our great nation? The answer should be obvious." The Australian government has yet to comment on rumours that the next stage of the food-based social cohesion project will involve installing Tim Tam vending machines in place of Centrelink kiosks, but sources say it's only a matter of time before dessert is on the agenda.