In a stunning display of tactical genius, Arsenal's new corner strategy—dubbed "When Life Gives You Corners, Score Goals and Break Dreams!"—has sent ripples of fear through the Premier League, and caused more than a few nightmares for Manchester United’s defense. Their latest triumph, a 2-0 victory over the Red Devils, emphasized the Gunners’ newfound commitment to using set pieces as their main weapon of choice, while their attack from open play seemed to have taken a long vacation in the tropical paradise of 'irrelevance.' The game began with a first half so subdued it could have doubled as a meditation retreat. Arsenal players wandered about the pitch in a daze, seemingly waiting for some divine intervention or perhaps a new corner to spark their creativity. Thomas Partey took it upon himself to accidentally direct a corner kick towards the stands, which startled a group of unsuspecting pigeons and left the crowd questioning if the Gunners had simply forgotten how to play football. Meanwhile, United’s goalkeeper, André Onana, was left to ponder life choices as many of his sets of gloves were wasted on watching the ball aimlessly sail over his head like a wayward balloon at a children’s party. The pressure mounted as the Gunners’ corner strategy—bolstered by rigorous training sessions that mostly consisted of players kicking balls into nets without any defenders—finally bore fruit. Enter stage left, Jurrien Timber and William Saliba, who executed their corner-kick magic with the finesse of Olympic gymnasts, scoring two headers that felt more like the universe was conspired to fulfill Arsenal's wish to wreak havoc on United’s morale. The Emirates erupted as fans rejoiced, celebrating the realization that scoring goals wasn't just for the superstars, but could be achieved from the intimate confines of the corner arc. Post-match, a bewildered Rubén Amorim, Manchester United’s manager, attempted to make sense of his team’s defensive blunders, noting, “We prepared for every scenario, but never really thought they'd employ a full-on corner ambush. It was like preparing for a hurricane but getting hit by a swarm of butterflies instead.” In response to the win, Arsenal fans chanted, “If we can’t dominate in open play, we’ll just corner the market on set pieces!” in a twist of optimism that leaves pundits scrambling to understand what exactly is left for the team to improve upon—maybe corner-kick celebrations? As the league inches closer to the dramatic festive season, it remains to be seen if other teams will pay heed to the Gunners’ bold strategy or if they will simply rely on their questionable positional play and whimsy. One thing is for certain: when life gives Arsenal corners, they’ll convert them into gleeful celebrations while leaving rival supporters lost in dreams—both day and night.