In a shocking turn of events in Rutherford County, North Carolina, federal workers tasked with disaster recovery have reportedly been forced to adopt new, unorthodox strategies after a wave of armed militia sightings led to an impromptu game of hide and seek. “We’re calling it ‘Emergency Evacuation Hide and Seek’—it’s all the rage among our staff now!” said one anonymous federal employee chuckling amidst the chaos. Officials were alerted to the presence of so-called militias after multiple reports of volunteers carrying tractors and pitchforks—because what else screams “armed militia” like a trusty farming tool? Panic ensued as work crews were instructed to abandon their posts and seek refuge in the nearest recreational vehicle park, where they set up camp, complete with face paint and camouflage netting in an attempt to blend in with the latest trends of nature enthusiasts. In an email circulated through various federal agencies, a U.S. Forest Service official expressed the need for heightened caution. "We have confirmed sightings of individuals wearing camo, making gestures that could be interpreted as either a rallying cry or a poorly executed interpretive dance. Either way, we decided to err on the side of caution,” the message explained. In an ironic twist, locals responded by suggesting that federal workers should consider joining forces with the ‘militia’—many of whom happen to be avid deer hunters with an extensive knowledge of the terrain. “Instead of running away, why not learn a thing or two about wilderness survival?” suggested one local who claimed they belonged to neither group but loved all forms of organized chaos. Meanwhile, a coalition of self-identified ‘concerned citizens’ has taken it upon themselves to guard the federal employees by creating a “Human Shield” formation that consists of lawn chairs and really good barbecue. “Nothing keeps the militia at bay like the aroma of smoked ribs,” said one organizer, who also insisted on reminding everyone that they were just “trying to help out where it’s needed.” As rumors spread regarding "armed militia threats," social media platforms buzzed with memes depicting government workers donning elaborate superhero costumes, armed with nothing but a can of bug spray and a survival guide. “They’re equipped for anything—except for facing overly enthusiastic community volunteers!” one post read, complemented by a graphic. In a strange turn of events, stakeholders from both camps are considering a reality TV show titled “When Feds Meet Friends,” featuring survival challenges, cooking competitions, and the occasional heartwarming moment where everyone sits around the campfire, sharing ghost stories about bureaucratic nightmares. While the situation continues to unfold, one thing remains certain in Rutherford County: whether they are armchair militia or just overly enthusiastic volunteers, the game of hide and seek has just begun, and everyone is invited.