Are You Suffering from Chronic Indecision? Here's How to Overcome It! Congratulations! You’ve stumbled upon the one affliction that simultaneously elevates your life’s drama and provides endless hours of riveting procrastination. Chronic Indecision, also affectionately known as “Always Second Guessing Yourself Syndrome” (ASGSS), is a condition that affects millions, and yes, that includes you—whether you’ve acknowledged it or not. But fear not! By the end of this article, you'll be well on your way to taking at least one action: closing this tab, or perhaps bravely squinting at a grayscale, 19-page self-help eBook available at only three easy payments of $19.99. Step 1: Embrace Your Inner Procrastinator Indecision is essentially just a fancy form of procrastination. Why choose to eat healthy when you can binge on a family-sized bag of chips while contemplating the existential dread of life itself? Embrace it! Put off those pills your doctor wants you to take until you’ve thoroughly examined your own medical degree—obtained by watching an entire season of that hospital drama you love. After all, what’s easier: making a salad or prioritizing “being concerned” over your well-being? Fun Tip: To truly embody your procrastinating spirit, practice indecision in even the smallest tasks. When faced with “to wear or not to wear pants,” take at least 20 minutes to weigh the pros and cons of both options in front of a mirror. Life-changing, isn’t it? Step 2: Gather Opinions—But Not Just Any Opinions! Now it’s time to consult your support system! Why ask for advice from professionals when you can take a poll on social media? The beauty of crowdsourcing your choices is that you get an overwhelming amount of opinions, none of which will contribute anything meaningful whatsoever. Consider it a fun game of “debate my breakfast choice” in a group chat, where everyone passionately weighs in on whether to have avocado toast or a donut. In the end, no one cares about your breakfast, but at least you’ll feel a sense of community while you starve! Step 3: Create a Decision-Making Chart Still unable to make up your mind about anything? Fear not! Enter the decision-making chart—a time-honored tradition that’s basically a colorful flowchart leading you straight back to confusion. Draw circles, arrows, and doodles that represent your feelings about every decision. Does it lead anywhere? Does it even make sense? Absolutely not! But nothing screams “I’m on top of this” more than an art project that rivals children’s kindergarten endeavors. Bonus Point: Make it aesthetically pleasing! If your indecision is going to weigh you down, might as well give it a sparkly presentation. Throw in some glitter, because this chronic condition deserves a dramatic flourish! Step 4: Take Action! Or Not! This step is critical: actively resist any and all forms of commitment. Indecision thrives on ambiguity! You’ll want to practice making a choice and then immediately negate it by second-guessing yourself. Did you decide to visit that new restaurant? Cancel last minute! What’s better than a quality, unspent experience? Check your phone to see what all the other “deciders” are doing before you risk actually enjoying something. For advanced practitioners of Chronic Indecision, consider making a list of choices you will never make. This list can be revisited weekly, and you might find endless pleasure in adding new potential experiences that you’ll never attempt. Step 5: Celebrate Your Indecision It’s important to acknowledge your unique skill set! While others may be booking vacations, buying houses, or committing to relationships, you are the proud king or queen of uncertainty. Give yourself a pat on the back for staying beautifully noncommittal about every aspect of your life! Indecision isn’t a flaw—it’s an art form. In conclusion, realize that Chronic Indecision doesn’t have to hold you back. Openly embrace it, turn it into an aesthetic, and wear it like a badge of honor. After all, this is your life—who needs clarity when you have endless possibilities? Now go forth and overthink that very next cup of coffee!