Melbourne - As the world spins uncontrollably towards impending climate catastrophe, it seems the human race has found another crucial battle to wage against itself - the fight over Low Traffic Neighbourhoods (LTNs). This highly divisive issue has birthed a new breed of warriors: The Anti-LTN Crusaders, united under the undeniably catchy slogan, "If it ain't broke, keep driving." The LTN movement, which aims to create safer, quieter streets by reducing the amount of through-traffic, has faced a less-than-warm welcome from Anti-LTN Crusaders. A spokesperson for the Crusaders passionately elaborated on their cause: "Who needs clean air and pedestrian safety, really? I mean, have we considered the real victims in this war on vehicles? No justice for SUVs!" It appears that as LTN enthusiasts push for a cleaner, greener environment, anti-LTN activists have decided the best course of action is to adopt a 'traffic-doubt' stance similar to climate change denial. By denying any issue with existing traffic and vehemently opposing any infrastructure changes, Anti-LTN Crusaders believe they are ensuring the continuation of the congested, polluted cities many have come to know and love. Taking notes from their climate denial brethren, Anti-LTN Crusaders have turned to science – or at least, cherry-picked, misinterpreted, and fringe science – in order to further their cause. Their 'divide and doubt' strategy is eerily similar to that of climate change sceptics. Anti-LTN spokesperson, Peter Gunther, confidently stated, "We've found evidence that shows traffic is actually good for you! We're investing millions into research to study how traffic can be an exclusive spa treatment for your lungs. You're welcome, pedestrians." The group's social media presence is also impressively dedicated in maintaining relentless doubt; with Twitter accounts pushing conspiratorial hashtags like #FakeTrafficNews, as well as crafting some "alternative facts", such as global average car speeds increasing despite claims of congestion. Supporters of Low Traffic Neighbourhoods have expressed frustration and bafflement at the determination of these Anti-LTN Crusaders in fighting seemingly common-sense measures to protect the environment and human life. "Reducing toxic emissions and creating safe spaces for children to play seems like a no-brainer to me," says LTN Enthusiast and environmental activist, Lilly Morrison. "But instead, we're battling a never-ending stream of traffic-doubt and misinformation." The future of traffic and urban planning remains uncertain as these two factions fight relentlessly for control over the city streets they both claim to love. Citizens are left to wonder how history will remember the great LTN debate – lauding the Anti-LTN Crusaders for their unyielding loyalty to their trusty gas-guzzling steeds or vilifying them as the last vanguard of a dying past. Only time, and perhaps a judicious use of memes and hashtags, will tell. While the world burns, or at the very least suffocates under a cloud of gasoline fumes, one thing is becoming increasingly clear: the traffic-doubt age has truly begun.