In a stunning turn of events, the Indian government has announced that the mourning of legendary industrialist Ratan Tata will not serve as a flashy campaign strategy. Union Home Minister Amit Shah, a political heavyweight known for finding opportunities in every situation, has assured citizens that honoring the memory of Tata is completely devoid of ulterior motives—unless, of course, you count the universal longing for compassion in politics. Sources claim that Shah is set to attend Tata's last rites, but only after ensuring that the ceremony doesn't accidentally launch a new slogan or catchphrase. “We want to pay our respects, not provide ammunition for political rivalries,” one baffled aide remarked, scratching his head over how to keep a straight face during a gathering rumored to include a heartfelt tribute from the Prime Minister himself, who has been in talks with various public figures to transform condolences into a series of campaign memoirs. As Maharashtra declared a day of mourning, citizens are reminded to refrain from turning this solemn occasion into a public spectacle. “Let’s not take selfies at the funeral,” urged a government official, who wished to remain anonymous for fear of becoming a trending topic. “This is about Tata, not our social media engagement rates.” Meanwhile, N Chandrasekaran, Tata Sons chairman, shared emotional memories of Tata as a 'friend, mentor, and guide,' inadvertently hinting at the stark contrast with the current state of celebrity endorsements in the industry. “If only he could have mentored us on how to handle PR during a national tragedy,” he lamented, half-jokingly. To ensure the mourning is as unpolitical as possible, the government has mandated a series of etiquette guidelines. These include no waving of political flags, no unsolicited speeches about infrastructure development, and absolutely no signing of petitions for unused stadiums. Shah’s team expressed concern that their boss might accidentally thank Tata for his ‘contributions to the nation’ interspersed with a call to action for the next election. Political analysts are divided. Some argue that a genuine act of mourning is a revolutionary idea in Indian politics, while others claim that the government will soon roll out a commemorative stamp of Tata, featuring the tagline: “A Friend to All, Except During Elections.” In an exclusive interview, a government spokesperson asserted, “This time, it’s purely about respect. We’re going to honor Tata as an icon of philanthropy, rather than as a cheap prop – unless, of course, the party sees a substantial upswing in popularity around the dates of the memorial.” As the nation prepares to bid farewell to Ratan Tata, pledges of non-politicking echo through the halls of power. So, while grief may hang heavy in the air, the strategic planning behind this period of mourning ensures that the political landscape remains mercilessly intact—just in case someone suddenly remembers it’s still campaign season.