In a shocking twist in the world of college football, Alabama has officially been granted a VIP pass to the hallowed grounds of the College Football Playoff, while Miami, after a series of questionable performances, has received an eviction notice that reads: “You’re not quite good enough to hang with the cool kids—please take your receipts and go home.” The College Football Playoff committee, clearly fans of crimson and white, decided that Alabama's mere existence in the world of college football is enough to warrant special treatment. “We love a good narrative,” explained one committee member, who wished to remain anonymous but was clearly wearing an Alabama cap. “The idea of Alabama getting another shot at a championship is just too sweet to ignore. Who wouldn’t want to see those guys in the playoffs again? It’s like comfort food.” Meanwhile, Miami fans were left holding their breath and their resumes, desperately waving their eligibility certificates while pleading with the committee for a second chance. Unfortunately for the Hurricanes, their passionate cries fell on deaf ears. In what can only be described as a “tragic oversight,” the committee appeared to have misplaced Miami's playoff hopes in the vast abyss between “unfortunately mediocre” and “let’s try again next year.” “It’s hard to believe that Alabama can just keep crashing these parties without even trying,” bemoaned one Miami fan, clutching a framed picture of their last successful season in 2001. “We put our hearts and souls into this season, but apparently that’s not enough when you’re up against a dynasty.” In response to Miami’s despair, the College Football Playoff committee suggested that the Hurricanes might consider some “self-reflection” over the offseason. “Perhaps they could take a trip to the tropical beaches of humility,” offered another committee member, while stifling a laugh. “After all, losing can be just as enlightening.” As the playoff bracket confidently strides into the limelight, Alabama's fans are already planning their victory parades, while Miami fans are preparing for the time-honored tradition of “what if” parties, where they can reminisce about past glories over piles of nachos and soda. In the end, while Alabama toasts to its continued reign of power, Miami will be doing its best not to cry into those expensive receipts they gathered from all those disappointing outings. With a special shout-out to the dejected Hurricanes: the College Football Playoff may not be ready for you this year, but there's always next season. Here's hoping the receipts come with a refund policy.