In a stunning twist of irony that would make even the most seasoned political satirist pause for breath, the Biden administration has given the green light to a massive expansion of a coal mine in Alabama. Yes, you heard that correctly. In an age where the fight against climate change has become the rallying cry of every decent politician—right up there with “Save the Children” and “Vote for Me”—the White House has decided to warm up to the echoing, soot-filled caverns of coal mining. Environmentalists are baffled, wondering if perhaps the White House confused “public lands” with “private industry.” In a statement that could rival any classic political double-speak, the administration touted the expansion as a “commitment to energy independence,” apparently forgetting that coal miners have long been synonymous with tired clichés about the past. Yes, America is going back to the ’80s, all we need now is a mullet and some neon leg warmers. As locals strap on their hard hats and dust off their pickaxes, the administration seems ever so proud to paint the picture that it’s doing this all for the little guy. Look, an influx of jobs! Nothing says “I care about your future” like throwing a vintage coal mining helmet at a struggling community. And what’s a little fresh air pollution compared to a few jobs that might last until the sun sets on the coal industry? Economists seem confused about the math, wondering if the “career opportunities” being rolled out come with an expiration date, much like the coal industry's competitiveness in an economy that is metaphorically but also literally moving toward clean energy. It's truly remarkable how a proposed 100 jobs at a coal mine can do a tap dance on the graves of countless renewable energy initiatives; who needs wind farms when you can have black lung? The environmental impact statements for the mine expansion are reportedly about as substantial as the coal itself—meaning they’re mostly just hot air. “We’re worried about the owls and the bees, but can’t you hear the comforting sound of clinking coins?” said an unnamed administration official. Apparently, the spirit of capitalism now includes a complete disregard for air quality and long-term ecological stability. Critics have accused the Biden administration of playing a precarious game of environmental whack-a-mole, perpetually trying to swat down climate activists while simultaneously peddling expansion projects that seem about as outdated as dial-up internet. Supporters of the plan, however, are taking to social media claiming this is a necessary evil—that “green energy” is just a fad, and nothing beats the warm, rich taste of good old-fashioned coal. As construction crews prepare to break ground, one can only assume Biden will don a hard hat and deliver a stirring speech about “bridging the gap between the past and the future” before the cameras. After all, nothing screams “forward-thinking leadership” quite like digging deeper into the earth’s crust while grinning from ear to ear. Who needs to pander to renewable energy advocates when you can keep the coal miners’ legacy alive? And so, in a largely theatrical display of irony, the Biden administration’s coal mine expansion is set to become a hallmark of his environmental policy, leaving everyone scratching their heads and wondering if ‘clean coal’ is indeed a thing or just another punchline in the grand comedy of modern politics. Just remember, the next time you see an ad for clean energy, look closely: it might just be for “cleaner” coal.