And in breaking news – earth-shattering, knee-tremblingly groundbreaking news – the world's affluent nations have finally reached their climate finance goal. Ha! And it only took them two years more than promised. Cutting it a bit fine, guys? The world's wealthiest countries have, with all the speed and efficiency of a snail on tranquillizers, finally kept their promise to produce a net $100 billion a year to help poorer nations combat climate change. Congratu-a-bloody-lations. The delay was, of course, anything but expected. It's not as if these countries have a rich history of empty pledges when it comes to climate change. Wait a minute… The grand announcement came at the UN's Climate Change Conference in Glasgow, where delegates from these nations, ensconced in their luxury suits and ties, patted themselves on the back and applauded their achievement. The self-congratulatory display was so hearty that anyone walking in halfway might have mistakenly thought they’d arrive at an after-party for some eco-friendly billionaire's vanity project. Said late achievement has been called a significant contribution in the global fight against climate change. Indeed, they did promise to provide this funding by 2020, but hey, what's a couple of years between friends, particularly when our planet is in the throes of an environmental crisis, right? Representatives of these affluent nations insist we should not focus on their tardiness but rather their commitment. They claim their delay was due to insignificant factors such as expanding holiday homes, embracing golden parachute retirement packages, and attending futile climate limbo contests where they collectively see how low they can set the bar. While climate change ravages the globe and the general public struggles to separate their trash, our world leaders have shown once again that they are all talk and delayed action wrapped in a $100 billion-dollar late pledge. But fear not! They've promised to maintain this fund yearly, and I’m sure they'll stick to their word this time. History and all evidence to the contrary, let's keep our hopes high, because we all know hoping is better than actual action, right? The morale of the story, folks, is that money can buy us breathing time but unfortunately, it can’t buy us a responsible attitude towards our climate or timely action. But hey, at least they're only two years late and not three! Breaking news indeed! Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming of disillusionment and managed expectations.