In a bold move that has redefined what it means to “dive into the legal system,” an intrepid advocate took a literal plunge into the Manning River, declaring it Australia’s newest legal swim spot. Clad in a full suit, complete with his tie flowing dramatically behind him like a superhero cape, the advocate, who we can assume has never seen a gym, proved that law and water can mix in ways previously unimagined—like oil and vinegar! The scene unfolded when legal eagle, Barrister Bruce “Swimmy” Johnson, decided to demonstrate his commitment to the environment by diving into the river to promote a campaign for “swimming with the sharks” — a movement aimed at encouraging lawyers to take their disputes out of court and into the water. “Why argue in stuffy courtrooms when you can settle things in a rip tide?” Johnson reportedly quipped while adjusting his flotation devices—the legal briefs he had waterproofed for the occasion. Witnesses reported seeing Johnson slowly sinking into the murky waters of the Manning as he waved his hands frantically. “I think he was trying to collect evidence,” said local fisherman Brian “Just Fishing” Henderson, who was less-than-helpfully casting his line nearby. “All I know is that if he was fishing for cases, he sure wasn't reeling them in.” An impromptu crowd gathered, cheering him on. Some yelled words of encouragement like “You can do it!” while others simply shouted legal jargon like “Why don’t you file for an injunction?” However, bystanders were slightly less enthusiastic when Johnson began offering free legal advice between gasps for air. “I don’t think that’s how it works!” shouted one dental hygienist, who had never taken a law class but seemed to know more than the average practitioner in water-related litigation. As the state’s newest swim site—the Manning River—caught on, other advocates started to follow suit, literally. The local bar association held an emergency meeting to consider adding "water sports" to the curriculum for aspiring lawyers. “We’re thinking about launching a new specialization, ‘Aquatic Litigation,’” said Gregory “Splash” Thompson, the association’s president. “The first course will involve drowning your competition!” The legal community reacted with varying degrees of enthusiasm. One judge, spotted floating by on a giant swan float, asked, “Can I rule in my swim trunks? This sounds incredible!” Meanwhile, prominent law firms have begun plastering their billboards with slogans like “Come for the Justice, Stay for the Waves!” and “Make a Splash with Us—We Don’t Bill by the Hour, Just by the Tidal Wave!” As Johnson emerged from the water, strands of lily pads adorning his suit like a bizarre floral arrangement, he declared the Manning River the “go-to” destination for all legal matters. “I hereby turn this jurisdiction into a jurisdictionub,” he proclaimed, arms wide as if welcoming a flood of clients. Legal scholars are now hard at work to determine if “swim and settle” can be considered an actual form of binding arbitration. In the days that followed, local residents showed a newfound enthusiasm for both legal discussions and swimming lessons, turning the river into a haven for renegade solicitors and bikini-clad paralegals practicing their synchronized swimming skills, all while debating the merits of punitive damages. So take note, Australians! Next time you have a case to settle, leave your troubles at the shore and dive straight into the Morrison & Waddle Swim-Court down by the Manning. Just remember, if you start to feel a bit of turbulence, it might not be the current—it might just be your conscience trying to float!