In a shocking turn of events, AC Milan's ambitions to break into the top four of Serie A have officially taken a backseat to Bologna's long-awaited revenge saga, as the Rossoblu achieved their first home victory over the mighty Milan in nearly 23 years. Fans of the San Siro club might want to start practicing their golf swings because it looks like their season just teed off into a sand trap. Last Thursday, Bologna, fueled by the fervor of a fanbase that has apparently been organizing secret rituals to appease the football gods, managed to topple the reigning giants with a spectacular 2-1 comeback. Milan, who were trying to find their footing like a toddler learning to walk, started strong but quickly resembled a cat sliding off a slick countertop once Bologna decided the first half should have a little more suspense. Milan's elite squad of players—who typically resemble footballing superheroes in the eyes of their fans—found themselves facing a Bologna team operating with the sheer ridiculousness of underdogs that have just stumbled upon a power-up in a video game. As if by some divine intervention—or perhaps a cosmic joke—the match was supposed to be played in October but was postponed because of floods. Little did anyone know that when they rescheduled, they were unintentionally inviting the stormy winds of fate to blow Milan's dreams right out the window. "We didn’t just beat AC Milan," said Bologna's coach afterward, undoubtedly channeling the spirit of the greats. "We sent them a message from the footballing heavens: 23 years is a long time to wait for a home victory. Too long, in fact, and we forgot how to do anything else while we were at it." Meanwhile, AC Milan’s coach could only muster a pillowy-soft “we’ll bounce back,” perhaps while inflating a life raft to float through the rising tide of despair. Their 41-point total now sits precariously beneath Juventus's fourth-place threshold, suggesting that the next few matches will be less about smooth sailing and more about navigating an emotional hurricane. As Bologna celebrates their monumental victory with the kind of fervor usually reserved for Super Bowl parties, Milan’s cast of illustrious players prepares to ponder their choices during the long flight back, likely debating whether to head back to the drawing board or to consult a sports psychologist. With 12 rounds still remaining, anything could happen, including Bologna unexpectedly becoming the team everyone else wants to avoid. In the meantime, Milan fans are left wondering if perhaps they should start rooting for teams outside of Italy, because at this point, their top-four dreams may just take a little longer to become a reality—perhaps another two decades at the rate they’re going. But hey, at least they can still brag about their historic trophies, right? Just remember, the future is now bleak, and so is the title of this year's Serie A: "Everybody vs. Bologna."