In a move that has perplexed politicians and comedy writers alike, Abuja has announced the launch of its latest initiative: the Grand Consultation. Promised as a "culmination of ideas to solve all pressing issues," it has ironically become yet another event where bright minds gather only to get lost in the metaphorical traffic of bureaucracy and ineffectual dialogue. Residents of the capital city have eagerly awaited the event, expecting to see politicians and public figures shine as they delve into deep discussions about pressing issues like poverty, education, and infrastructure. Alas, as is typical in Abuja, these discussions started smoothly but quickly transformed into a convoluted maze of confusing jargon and lengthy speeches laden with technical terms. By the end of the day, most attendees had forgotten what the original agenda was, now fixated on debating the meaning of "synergy" instead. One of the highlights of the Grand Consultation was the much-anticipated keynote speech by the Minister of Ideas, an individual renowned for giving the longest speeches in the history of consultations. He regaled the audience with tales from a 20-page PowerPoint presentation, where the only slide that actually carried any valuable information was ironically the last one— which simply read, "We will get back to you." As if the prospect of navigating a stream of amorphous ideas wasn’t disheartening enough, attendees also faced an actual traffic jam as they tried to reach the venue. Reports suggest that some individuals ran out of snacks and resorted to “sharing thoughts” in the gridlocked lanes during a particularly heated 45-minute standstill. "I came to share ideas on education reform, but I ended up discussing the best way to bribe a taxi to move an inch - it was riveting," said one exasperated participant. Lunch was provided by local caterers, and unsurprisingly, it played a significant role in contributing to the overall atmosphere of confusion. The food arrived an hour late, and aside from the appealing aroma of jollof rice, it brought forth a heated debate that pushed even the Minister of Ideas to his limits: "Is it jollof if it’s not red?" A lively back-and-forth ensued, causing delays, misunderstandings, and an unexpected group therapy session about their choices in life. As the day progressed, it's reported that several ideas floated around, including the use of drones to monitor progress on road repairs, the implementation of casual Fridays for civil service employees (because who wouldn’t want to wear flip-flops while discussing policy?), and a proposal to rename Abuja to “Abuja in Traffic.” However, like many promising discussions before them, these ideas were quickly overshadowed by the consensus on one crucial point: let’s schedule another Grand Consultation to discuss it. In the end, the Grand Consultation may have accomplished one thing: spotting a multitude of bureaucrats gathering more than just a handful of connections. The hope now rests with Abuja's citizens who, for the first time in a long time, saw their leaders publicly embrace the art of spinning in circles—without actually getting anywhere. With any luck, they won’t take a wrong turn this time around and manage to find a way out of the traffic… both physically and metaphorically.