In a breathtaking display of investigative journalism that would surely make Pulitzer roll over in his grave, our beloved snarky Aussie, Gareth Sutherland, recently embarked on an audacious journey to the small town of Boorowa, New South Wales, armed with nothing but a sarcastic smirk and the iron-clad belief that it would fall short of paradise. The decision to visit Boorowa was, naturally, taken following intense deliberation over a pint of lager and a matchup of rugby league (which, of course, perfectly encapsulates the Australian life. Woe be unto cricket!) Boorowa, known for its green hills, charming festivals, and the deadly fact that nothing ever seems to happen there, seemed to be the perfect challenge for our intrepid Aussie. On reaching Boorowa, our courageous explorer was taken aback by the pristine tranquility that greeted him, or as Gareth himself put it, "It was like the living equivalent of watching paint dry, yet oddly satisfying, much like vanilla ice cream." Upon further exploration, he discovered the town was full of colourful characters. The local butcher, who passionately recounted the historical significance of each sausage recipe, the pub owner who spoke wistfully of the one time someone ordered a cosmopolitan, and the town mayor, so accustomed to his peaceful constituency, he forgets he's in office until election time. Sutherland took on the daunting task of becoming a temporary Boorowan, but not without sharing some gems of his usual, sarcastically sterling insights. He was delighted to find the local pastime appeared to be 'staring contemplatively into the middle-distance,' a hobby he picked up with surprising enthusiasm. The preferred conversational topic was, without a shadow of a doubt, sheep, and our urban hero stoically weathered several in-depth discussions on the nuances of wool. But even in Boorowa, Gareth couldn't help noticing the imperfections. "Who are we kidding? Even sleepy little towns have their issues. The prevalence of baa-ad jokes is beyond lamb-entable. The fascination with mutton is truly ewe-nerving, and their wool really isn’t as great as they claim – it’s just not as shear-ly amazing as they’d have you believe,” he jests, his tone reeking of pun-intended satire. Sutherland's brave exploration of Boorowa managed to confirm what we've long suspected: Australia isn't completely composed of sparkling beaches, bustling cities, and dangerous but somehow endearing wildlife. However, as Gareth pondered over an 'exotic' schooner of Tooheys New at the local pub whilst engaging in yet another chat about the superiority of Merino wool, there was a revelation. Boorowa is a utopia, just not everyone's version of it, "and thank God for that, because it'd be boring if everywhere was everyone's idea of perfect." As he rode off into the dusk towards the more conventionally exciting locales of Australia, leaving the quiet utopia of Boorowa behind, he left us with one final nugget of wisdom: "With its charm, sheep, and unending hush, Boorowa has shown me the value of silence – mainly, how I can't bloody stand it!" So long, Boorowa, our disenchanted reporter may not miss you, but the rest of us yearn for your promised serenity and relief from our stark raving sane journalist Gareth. The bloke needs a holiday from his holiday!