Title: "The Incredible Health Benefits of Living on a Strict Added Sugars Diet" Sugar, my friends, is not just a food supplement. It’s a lifestyle, a mantra, a world view. So, you have read countless articles demonizing, ostracizing and even criminalizing our little white granulated friend shouting hoarse about obesity, diabetes, tooth decay and other "minor" health problems. It's time to sit back and take a moment to recognize the "lesser-known" benefits of living on a strict diet of added sugars. 1. Your Friends Will Envy Your Diet: As they miserably chomp on their kale salads or poached salmon, you can luxuriously delve into your stack of frosted donuts, sugar-infused Starbuck coffees, and lethal servings of ice cream. The jealousy you will ignite in their hearts – pure honey! 2. No More Gym - Hips Don’t Lie: Providing your body with a surfeit supply of sugar means becoming an advocate of the body positivity movement, even without intending to do so. Forget about those gruelling sessions at the gym or yoga classes. Your new best friends will be your comfy couch and the remote control. 3. Economic Stimulus - Your Personal Contribution: Sugar is everywhere. Therefore, by consuming it in large quantities, you're single-handedly supporting the backbone of the global economy - the food industry. Hey, it's not an easy socio-economic burden to carry, but consider it your civic duty. 4. Rescheduling Dental Appointments - a New Hobby: When you decide to religiously follow a strict sugary diet, you also commit to forming a strong bond with your dentist. Dental appointments will become so frequent, that making and rescheduling them will turn into an engaging new hobby. 5. Discover the Endless Possibilities of Mix and Match: With sugar, the possibilities for food experimentation are endless. Have you tried a sugar sandwich? Or perhaps a salad with a pinch (read: pound) of sugar? See, your food innovations can leave Gordon Ramsay feeling encumbered. 6. Fit into your Winter Wardrobe Any Time: Worry not about those occasional winters when your coats seem to inhibit your movement because of a sudden weight gain. With a consistent intake of added sugar, you’ll find your beloved winter wardrobe fitting you throughout the year. 7. Olympian Toothbrush Skills: Say goodbye to the monotonous 2-minute tooth-brushing ritual — a diet heavily dipped in sugar takes your oral hygiene practices to Olympic levels. 8. Therapist? Meh! Ice-cream is Now Bae: Also, why waste time and money on therapists when you can devour a tub of ice-cream? Making amends with Ben & Jerry’s is so much more convenient. So, why wait for the research evidence when you clearly see how sugar holds the potential to transform your life? Swap that celery stick for a candy bar and join us on this exciting, sweetly dangerous health gamble. (Disclaimer: In case the satire is lost in translation - this is a joke. A diet low in added sugars is an essential part of a healthy lifestyle.)