In a groundbreaking development, world leaders have finally decided to tackle the impending ocean crisis by gathering 60 countries for an extravagant, week-long "Save the Ocean" summit. After years of wilful ignorance and scientific evidence screaming for attention, these nations have collectively agreed that what the oceans really need to save them is a serious dose of red tape and an ocean-sized buffet for all attendees. As ocean temperatures rise and marine life continues to dwindle like the last slice of pizza at a party, delegates from the 60 countries excitedly donned their finest suits, ready to discuss thrilling topics like “Carbon Offset Credit Programs for Sea Turtles” and “Permits for Properly Not Picking Up Plastic.” The venue? A luxury beachfront resort, naturally, because what better way to commemorate a dying ocean than from a private cabana with a piña colada in hand? Sources suggest that the summit will feature a star-studded line-up of speakers, including a renowned oceanographer who will present find-me-in-a-million-speaker-fees findings on why marine ecosystems are failing, right before the buffet is served. The negotiation strategies employed thus far involve lengthy PowerPoint presentations filled with impressive graphs that could just as easily be replaced with a simple reminder: "Save the fish, don’t eat them." Meanwhile, local fishermen have reportedly taken a keen interest in the summit, not for issues related to their well-being or environmental impact, but rather because they are hoping for a free meal and a chance to showcase their “catch of the day” for potential Instagram influencers attending the event. International organizations have voiced their optimistic concerns, stating that producing action plans filled with jargon will definitely "turn the tide" on the crisis. After all, who wouldn't be inspired by a bold communiqué emphasizing the urgent need for "synergistic policy frameworks" and "multilateral coalitions!" The oceans may be drowning in plastic, but hey, let's roll out more elaborate acronyms while sipping on coconut water! The outcome of this grand affair is expected to yield some truly innovative solutions: perhaps a new sticker campaign featuring friendly cartoon dolphins urging people to "stay green" while conveniently ignoring the fact that all the fish have started donning dark sunglasses for protection against the ultraviolet rays, now that the coral reefs have been bleached to a pristine, albeit dead, white. And in a dazzling flourish, the summit will conclude with a grand finale: a "Save the Ocean" dance-off where delegates can finally let loose after holding meetings that accomplished approximately zero. Attendees are encouraged to tweet their support using the hashtag #UnbreakableOcean, as they dance to a catchy tune about the importance of sustainability that will inevitably be forgotten once the last drink is served. So here’s to the oceans! Don’t worry, lovely waves; the international bureaucrats are on their way — with their pens, paper, and enough bureaucracy to drown even the most stubborn sea turtle. After all, what's a little red tape when it comes to saving the blue?