In an audacious attempt to revive the spirit of luxury SUV dominance, Lincoln has unveiled the 2025 Navigator, now equipped with a grille so enormous it could easily double as a billboard for "Therapy for Low Sales." Although the Navigator made its debut a mere six months ahead of the 1999 Cadillac Escalade, it has consistently lagged behind in the sales race, routinely trailing the Escalade like a lost puppy in a dog park. In a press conference that was as extravagant as the vehicle itself, Lincoln executives proudly stated that this year’s model boasts a "new" design, which was less about aesthetics and more about automotive size. The new aerodynamic grille is a staggering 24 inches taller than the previous model, leading automotive experts to speculate if the iconic SUV was inspired by half-drawn cartoon characters yearning for acceptance. “This grille is not just a visual marvel; it's a psychological statement,” proclaimed Lincoln's Head of Marketing while perched behind the commanding front end of the vehicle, clearly in awe of its sheer magnitude. “It says, ‘Look at me! I’m here for therapy!’ Not only does it signify luxury, but it also gives potential buyers a chance to experience their own existential crisis—what in the world does it mean to spend this much on a vehicle?” The current forecast for sales projections for Lincoln's latest flagship is just shy of impressive—assuming they can find enough roads wide enough for the new grill while navigating through city traffic. Sources inside Lincoln have been spotted chugging lattes nervously after the unceremonious dip in sales analytics from the previous year. “Our interior design team is confident that people will be more distracted by the stunning size of the grille rather than the fact that the rest of the vehicle feels largely unchanged,” added an unnamed source who requested anonymity, presumably fearing backlash from the vast marketing team responsible for the car's concept. The 2025 Lincoln Navigator also comes with features that scream ‘luxury’ in hushed tones. With a sound system loud enough to wake the neighbors, one can drown out the hints of disappointed family members asking why the brand isn’t a household name. To add to the therapy theme, if you buy a Navigator, Lincoln will throw in a coupon for three free sessions with a licensed therapist who specializes in “Low Sales Trauma.” Despite the lavish overhaul, one can't help but wonder: Is the next step for Lincoln to design a Navigator that can just drive itself to therapy? Rumors suggest that a self-driving version may be on the horizon, allowing it to tackle its deep-seated fears of never being a number one luxury SUV—because nothing says luxury like a vehicle that can have a breakdown of its own. Only time will tell if the 2025 Navigator can finally overcome its “Eyesore Grille Syndrome” and edge closer to the sales numbers of its rival. But if nothing else, it certainly stands as a reminder that in the realm of luxury SUVs, bigger doesn’t always mean better… especially when it comes to therapy.