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Health / 7 months ago
10 Wildly Unconventional Tips to Outsmart Your Desk-Bound Misery - You Won't Believe Number 7!
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Unconventional Strategies to Conquer Desk-Bound Misery: Transform Your Work Environment and Thrive
Title: The 10-Step Marketer's Guide to Surviving the Plague of Desk-Bound Work Environment They say, "Sitting is the new smoking" and if that is true, those of us who make a living perpetually attached to our comfy chairs in front of state-of-the-art computers may very well be doomed to a lifetime of desk-bound diseases. But here's your ultimate, scientifically unproven guide on how to combat this horrible plight in ten simple, slightly ignorant steps. Step 1: Tailored Ergonomics Adapt, cope, survive - the golden rule of evolution now equally applicable to your workspace. Start by adjusting your chair until your hip bones are brutally introduced to the depths of its cushion, while your knees hang awkwardly at a 90-degree angle off the floor. Remember, blood circulation is for the weak. Step 2: Advanced Equipment Perhaps consider investing in a balance ball chair or a jazzy standing desk. You can now continue your procrastination standing up or bouncing erratically on a giant rubber sphere like a toddler possessed. Work was never this fun! Step 3: Screen Sanity Make sure your screen is at the level of your sightline; most importantly, so that when your boss sees you from the entrance, he witnesses you gazing passionately into your work. Little does he know, you’re in the middle of an epic battle in 'Candy Crush Saga.' Step 4: Keyboard Kung-fu This is all about sliding your keyboard as far away as possible, making it incredibly challenging to reach. Who needs those extra calories anyway, when you can burn them typing a single email. (Dislocated shoulder not included). Step 5: Optical Illusion Give your eyes a mini vacation every once in a while, they deserve it. Staring blankly out the window and avoiding the horrifying reality of your workload would do. Step 6: Posture Power Maintain your spine as straight as an arrow. Better yet, imagine you're a wooden board, devoid of any flexibility. Because everybody adores a stiff upper back, right? Step 7: Hydrate like a Fish Drink a gallon of water every hour. Besides keeping dehydration at bay, it also assures multiple trips to the bathroom, giving you that much-needed respite from your grueling work schedule. Step 8: Siri, Alexa and Stretch Use tech assistants to remind you to stretch every 20 minutes. You need to avoid developing those unsightly hunchbacks, which strangely look cool only on gargoyles. Step 9: Technicolor Dream Snacks Only consume snacks that are primary colors. Who cares about their nutritional value? Green celery, red apples, blue... blueberries. The aesthetics will undeniably uplift your spirits. Step 10: Ignorance is Bliss Ignore everyone suggesting exercise and a healthy diet as a remedy, as if they’ve cracked the Da Vinci code of health. You don’t need such toxic negativity in your life. Follow these steps, embrace the profound wisdom they elucidate, and in no time you'll be commercially branded as the “Picasso of Posture Perfection” in your dystopian, desk-bound work environment. Surviving the plague of a sedentary lifestyle has never been this ludicrous and strangely, satisfying.
posted 7 months ago

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