In a landmark move that has left environmentalists scratching their heads, and everyone else chuckling, the Trump administration unveiled its latest budget proposal, aptly titled "Making America Pollute Again." The budget, which is a potpourri of tax cuts for billionaires and a lavish expenditure plan for golf courses, is seen as a masterclass in environmental neglect and an exhilarating celebration of energy deregulation. At a press conference filled with the usual jazz hands and inane comments, Secretary of Energy "Who Needs Regulations?" grinned widely while presenting the key highlights. “Why protect birds when we can protect the economy from pesky regulations?” he beamed, promising to eradicate the Endangered Species Act faster than you can say “carbon emissions.” Among the most lauded elements of the budget is the introduction of a new National Emissions Appreciation Month, aimed at reminding Americans to hold their breath and embrace the smell of freedom—freedom to breathe in whatever concoctions are splendidly released into the air. "What's the point of living if you can't enjoy the sweet, smoky aroma of unchecked industry?" the Secretary quipped, leading an enthusiastic round of applause from corporate donors in attendance. The budget also earmarks a staggering amount—enough to build a small country—for the flashy new initiative called “Operation Drill, Baby, Drill 2.0.” This program promises to put oil rigs on every available inch of land, including national parks and your neighbor’s backyard. According to a spokesperson, “Why dig into agricultural land when we can dig into the pristine beauty of the Grand Canyon? It’s just sitting there, waiting to be transformed into a fabulous oil field.” On the renewable energy front, excitement is brewing around a new plan to convert the solar and wind farms into massive parking lots for electric trucks that don’t exist yet. Critics derided the plan, but the administration stood firm, asserting that a few oil spills are a small price to pay for a golden age of fossil fuel. “We’ll have the cleanest pollution in the world,” vowed an unnamed official, waving a flag with a happy sun holding a barrel of crude oil. Moreover, Trump's budget proposes a staggering cut to the Environmental Protection Agency, ensuring that the only thing more obsolete than a coal miner’s skills will be any semblance of environmental protection. “Less EPA means more U.S.A! Let the rivers flow with industrial waste; it’s the American way!” shouted the head of the EPA, basking in the glow of paperwork designed to encourage corporations to self-regulate—because, after all, accountability is so last decade. While some might grumble about impending climate disasters and ecological collapse, the administration remains firm in its message: “Love it or leave it—preferably to a sinking island.” All in all, Trump’s budget is less an economic policy and more a call to arms for those who believe that Mother Earth could use a good thrashing for her incessant nagging about climate change. In the words of one key cabinet member, “If we can’t burn it, let’s bury it – we’ll figure out the rest later!” Indeed, one thing's for sure: the lights may be dimming on this planet, but the spotlight is shining bright on a truly bizarre and brazen vision of America's future.