Switzerland and the U.S. are racing to finalize a trade deal that some are dubbing "The Cheese Pact," with both sides eager to resolve their differences before President Trump can send out another tweet. The initiative is seen as a valiant attempt to ensure that Americans can continue to enjoy their beloved Swiss cheese without the added burden of tariffs that could turn fondue into a luxury dish. Swiss President Karin Keller-Sutter, in a recent press conference, declared, “We’re not just slicing cheese; we’re slicing these tariffs at a speed that would make a cheese grater jealous.” With smiles that could melt even the coldest of cheese, both nations are reportedly eyeing a timeline that’s faster than Trump can say “fake news.” Sources close to the negotiations indicate that one of the sticking points involves the definition of cheese itself—an issue no less contentious than political party debates. The Swiss want to protect their artisanal cheeses, while U.S. negotiators seem inclined to introduce cheddar in a ballooning way that no one saw coming, possibly even declaring it a national treasure. As for the tariffs, Keller-Sutter emphasized that they must be eliminated before any future "gouda" jokes can be made north of the cheese border. “If we have to slap tariffs on cheese, we might as well call it a dairy disaster,” she joked, with hints of seriousness visible in her eyes. Meanwhile, across the Atlantic, Trump is reportedly contemplating tweets about “swiss cheese tariffs” while eating a burger, blissfully unaware of how fermented milk products are dominating diplomatic discussions. "I hear they’ve got holes in them," Trump allegedly mused. “What’s the deal with those?” The acceleration of talks comes not a moment too soon, as the cheese-loving populace of both nations grows impatient. “We simply cannot allow tariffs to cork our cheese flow,” said one enthusiastic American cheesemonger, who went on to recommend that both countries take a lesson from cheese pairing: “Sometimes you need to mix the sharp and the creamy to make a delectable deal.” As negotiations continue, the world watches with bated breath to see if our leaders can keep their cool and negotiate a cheese treaty that will protect both the Swiss dairy industry and the American desire for melted goodness. In an unexpected twist, insiders claimed that the next round of discussions may feature an international cheese tasting, in hopes of resolving differences over a fondue pot. Regardless of how this saga unfolds, one thing is clear: in a world rife with tension, sometimes all you need is a little cheddar diplomacy to spread the love.