LAS VEGAS, NV - In a shockingly unprecedented move, the Oakland Athletics have decided to relocate to Las Vegas and abandon the conventional Major League lifestyle for a more simplistic home in a local Little League park. The quirky, mismatched team have decided that playing in a smaller, tighter, and more intimate setting is what truly matters in this age of commercialized sports. "It's all about being one with the ball," said Oakland A's general manager, Bob Fumphrey, who also reportedly spends his weekends as a vegan yoga instructor. "We felt it was time to revert to a simpler era of baseball - when players didn't have to worry about fancy stadiums or multimillion-dollar contracts. It's all about hitting the ball and running around some bases." The chosen park, affectionately named "Vegas Varmint Village," features a beautifully maintained lawn, a single hot dog stand, and seating availability for up to 87 fans. This downsize from their previous 46,847 capacity stadium means higher demand and shorter lines at the restrooms. Players will also no longer have the ability to hit pop flies into the sky, as the park comes complete with a metal roof over the diamond. "Finally, a stadium where we can hear the sweet sound of the bat hitting the ball without the need for artificial sound enhancement!" exclaimed Billy Ballgame, the A's captain. The Vegas Varmint Village will not only serve as a humble abode for the now "Minor League Major Upset" Oakland Athletics but will double as a public community park with a magical merry-go-round in centerfield for all to enjoy. While the team's decision was influenced by the Charger's decision to play in a Major League Soccer Stadium and the Arizona Coyotes calling a college arena home, Bob Fumphrey insists that their decision has less to do with practicality and owes more to their spiritual awakening. "We realized that we didn't need a fancy stadium to win games," Fumphrey added. "All we needed was the energy of a small, passionate group of fans and our collective love for the game. That, and a metal roof to ruin our opponents' chances of a home run." While critics argue that this move will only make the A's even more of a laughing stock, the team's morale has never been better. The excitement for the upcoming season can only be matched by the thrill of free cotton candy and face paint at Vegas Varmint Village's Opening Day Celebration. The Oakland Athletics, now proud residents of their Little League haven, are ready to show the Major League that, once again, size really doesn't matter in the world of baseball.