In a stunning turn of events that has left cartographers scratching their heads and comedians scrambling for punchlines, the small town of Alberta in the Battle River region has officially declared itself the “Lost Map Oasis.” Confusion reigned supreme this week when local officials unveiled a new town slogan: “Where the Map Makers Got Confused and the Punchlines Are Free!” The debacle began when the town council received an unexpected delivery of 500 new maps from the Department of Geography, which prominently displayed Alberta nestled not in Canada but just north of the Bermuda Triangle. “We always suspected we were different,” Mayor Chuck “What’s Geography?” Thompson proclaimed at a press conference, “but we didn’t think we were THAT lost!” Residents were quick to voice their opinions amid the chaos. Mildred McAllister, who has lived in Alberta for 72 delightful years, chimed in: “I always thought my late husband’s ‘fishing map’ was exaggerating about the size of Lake Fishy—now I see he was just doing his best to keep us safe from geological embarrassment!” In a bid to capitalize on their newfound identity as cartographic outcasts, the town has scheduled a “Lost and Found Festival,” where attendees can share stories of their own navigational mishaps. Stand-up performances with themes like “Lost in Alberta: A Geography Comedy” will kick off the event. Local comedian Jim “Where’s My GPS?” Jackson promised to deliver hard-hitting satire: “If you can’t find your way to Alberta, don’t worry! Just follow the signs to… wherever we are!” Not everyone is amused, however. Notorious conspiracy theorist and part-time postman Ted “Flat Earth” McGee insists there’s more to the story. “I told you all that Alberta was in the Bermuda Triangle! Let this be a warning: if you doubt the maps, you might just get lost in decoration while trying to get directions!” Ted plans to host a seminar titled “Maps: Tools of the Mind Control” to further expound his theories on the matter—tickets are only $10, and lunch is extra. To further disorient visitors, shops will sell novelty items such as “I Got Lost in Alberta and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt” and various maps of the town that only illustrate the route to the nearest cornfield. Local artist, Polly “Cartography is a Lie!” Hartman has donated her time to create a series of abstract maps depicting what Alberta “might look like if geography had a sense of humor.” The artwork is expected to draw crowds, not entirely sure if they’ll leave with an appreciation for art or an existential crisis. As the town embraces its newfound status as a geographic enigma, hotel owners have caught on too, marketing their establishments with campaigns such as “Get Lost in Comfort.” Room keys will have GPS trackers that are guaranteed to lead guests on scenic routes—directly to the nearest exit sign. In a show of solidarity and humor, the local high school team will also rebrand. The “Alberta Pancakes” will now be known as the “Lost and Found Mapmakers,” complete with a mascot named “Captain Confusion.” Sporting events will feature an annual game where lost sports equipment is humorously displayed on the field—a practice that has clearly been “on-brand” for years. In an effort to raise town visibility, Alberta has launched a petition to replace the “Welcome to Alberta” sign with “Welcome to the Bermuda Triangle (At Least According to Our Maps).” Town officials assured that they will not rest until cartographers have the last laugh—and possibly a commemorative plaque that simply states, “You Are Here… or Not.” As the dust settles in this comedic cartographical cluster, it seems one truth remains clear: Alberta is now not just a place on the map but a sample of human folly as we unabashedly drift through geography with bewilderment and a chuckle. Whether or not it’s real, it’s good for a laugh—and isn’t that the most important thing of all?