Title: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming a Couch Potato: Embracing Your Sedentary Lifestyle Ladies, gentlemen, and those who defy categorization, welcome to the ultimate self-help guide on how to achieve a perfectly stagnant sedentary lifestyle, in which sweat is bad, and Netflix is God. Are you tired of all these health blogs bombarding you with the importance of physical activity? Does the mere thought of putting on your running shoes give you hives? Fear no more, for today we present to you the ten commandments of how to be a potato in its finest form - a couch potato! 1. Thou shalt not walk: Remember, walking is the root of all evil. Use wheels, escalators, elevators, and magical carpets - anything that will keep your feet from hitting the ground. Got to walk to the kitchen? Roll yourself there in a desk chair or scoot along while sitting on your buttocks. On the off chance you meet someone who does not support your lifestyle, let the haters hate and effortlessly cruise away on your Rollerblade shoes. 2. Thou shalt devote oneself to binge-watching: Practice your commitment and your ability to sit through six straight hours of your favorite shows. Train your eyes to withstand the constant stream of images and feel the immense pride when you put on your sedentary medal for watching entire series in one sitting. 3. Thou shalt perfect the art of the snack: Learn to prepare the most effortless junk food, and always have it within arm's reach. If you do find yourself craving something nutritious, immediately seek guidance from your nearest bag of chips to restore balance to your diet. 4. Thou shalt surround oneself with like-minded lethargic folks: Together, you shall form a support group, where you share your triumphs of the day, like that time you avoided taking the stairs, or when you finally found the perfect position on the couch. 5. Thou shalt worship the remote control: The remote is your key to an uninterrupted television viewing experience. Learn to sleep with it, eat with it, and develop a symbiotic relationship to ensure you never have to leave the couch in search of it. 6. Thou shalt celebrate sweat-free days: For every day that passes without breaking a sweat, reward yourself with your favorite calorie-dense food or an extra episode of your favorite show. 7. Thou shalt avoid Vitamin D at all costs: Sunlight? What's that? Stick to the dimly lit corners of your home, and keep the curtains closed during daylight hours. Soak up the healthy fluorescent glow that emanates from your TV screen instead. 8. Thou shalt not have a gym membership: This act is a deadly sin in the world of couch potatoes! Save that precious cash and put it toward a nicer couch or faster Internet connections to enhance your sedentary skills. 9. Thou shalt prioritize horizontal positioning: Nap time is the perfect complement to your inactive lifestyle. Learn not to fear the relentless 3 PM nap attack, and instead, welcome it into your life with open arms (and a cozy blanket). 10. Thou shalt never miss an opportunity to hone your craft: Exercises? Who needs them! Allow your instincts to guide you in canceling plans that might involve physical activity. Each day that passes in absolute lethargy strengthens your resolve and brings you one step closer to becoming a finely cultivated couch potato. So there you have it, fellow slump seekers! May these commandments lead you to the pinnacle of inactivity and a life full of snack-filled, binge-watching bliss. Embrace the couch, and let the couch embrace you!