In a bold move that shocked absolutely no one, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky has officially opened the door for peace talks with Russia—albeit after a ceasefire, which he meticulously described as “a very strong suggestion” rather than a binding agreement. This exciting development comes on the heels of Western powers daring to request a 30-day pause in fighting, sparking widespread speculation that they might also ask for a complimentary side of fries with that ceasefire. As brave leaders gathered in Kyiv under the banner of the “coalition of the willing” (a title that seems to evoke visions of a junior varsity soccer team), they successfully managed to convince Russian President Vladimir Putin to extend an olive branch—or at least a slightly wilted twig. In an unprecedented show of goodwill, Putin offered to sit down for direct talks, with promises of snacks and possibly some light theater to lighten the mood. Enter Donald Trump, whose recent social media posts have proven once again that he still believes his opinion carries the weight of a thousand diplomats. Trump boldly declared that Ukraine should leap at the chance for a “Come to Jesus” meeting with Putin, completely ignoring the fact that not everyone needs an audience with divine intervention to get them out of a tight spot. “All I’m saying is if they just FaceTime the guy, maybe he’ll finally clarify whether he’s interested in peace or just really into collecting countries like they’re Pokemon,” Trump suggested. Political analysts are in a tizzy over Trump’s proposal, with many scratching their heads while others contend that the former president may just want to save on hotel fees during his next international debacle. “What’s the worst that can happen?” a Trump aide remarked, his eyes gleaming with the excitement of a child on Christmas morning. “They either negotiate peace or end up in a TikTok dance battle with Putin—it’s a win-win!” Not to be outdone, Zelensky shared his own thoughts, noting that while he is indeed open to dialogue, he's insisting on making some demands first. “If we negotiate, I want it noted that no one can use my name in the same sentence as ‘fun’ and ‘war’ ever again,” he said, as he furiously flipped through a notebook filled with doodles of unicorns and rainbows, which may or may not have been his blueprint for a successful ceasefire. Meanwhile, as international leaders scramble to translate the mixed signals of stalled peace talks into viable legislation, citizens worldwide prepare for yet another week of Twitter debates. “I just hope they figure it out before the next season of whatever reality show is captivating everyone’s attention,” commented one bemused onlooker. “Because if we’re trading hashtag wars for actual ones, I’d like to at least know what’s trending.” So, as negotiations loom on the horizon, the world waits with bated breath and popcorn in hand, eager to see if Trump can convince Zelensky and Putin to settle their differences over snacks and maybe a few good memes. After all, if peace doesn’t break out soon, we may find ourselves embroiled in yet another geopolitical reality show, and nobody wants to see that happen.