Title: "10 Baker's Dozen Reasons To Hug Your Stress Like A Spiky Hedgehog" There is an abundance of 'advice' on mitigating, eliminating, or 'stress-busting' that regularly flood our screens, bookshelves, and social circles. But has anyone paused to consider the countless potential benefits of staunchly holding onto stress as a prized, personal pet? Fear not, dear readers, for in this, the latest issue of “Suffering Today,” we will explore the ten reasons to wholeheartedly embrace your stress, in a bear-hug or a full-on koala latch, whichever suits your fancy. 1. You Are A Stress Superhero: The first mark of a Stress Superhero is incessant worry. Are you acing this? Kudos! With differing multitudes of issues to stress over, you are never bored. Traffic bottle-necks? Check. Freakishly health-conscious Orbit gum chewers? Double check. You have an unlimited supply of stress reasons, making you stress rich, akin to a billionaire of burdens. 2. Promotion of Rapid Aging: If you've always wanted to look wise beyond your years, stress is your fast-forward button. Watch in glee as fine lines and furrows magically appear overnight, giving you that distinguished ivory-tower scholar look you've always longed for. 3. Save Money on Alarm Clocks: Sleep? Overrated. Why waste precious nighttime hours in dreamland when you can stay awake and worry about the overdue library book or whether you remembered to lock the car? 4. Exemption from Gym Membership: Who needs a cardio workout when pounding heartbeats accompany every worry thought that crosses your mind? Cheers to burning calories the stressful way! 5. Caffeine Compatibility: Stress and caffeine are a match made in heaven (or hell). With all that stress-induced insomnia, you can literally live in coffee shops, giving a massive boost to local businesses. 6. Low-Maintenance Pets: Stress, unlike a dog, doesn’t need walking or feeding. It survives purely on your exhaustion and worry. No poop-scoop duties required! 7. Shunning The Social Scene: Socialising is effortful, people tiresome. Stress gives you the perfect alibi to avoid those dreadful dinner parties you've been forcibly invited to. 8. It's All In The Mind: Stress is ingenious - it's everywhere and nowhere, all at once. It doesn’t take up closet space or mess with feng shui. 9. Productivity Champion: They say the more you have to do, the more you get done. Thanks to stress, you're in a constant state of doing. So what if we all still procrastinate like champions, right? 10. Strengthen your Story: Remember how folks adore a good sob story. Stress, my friend, makes you an exciting epic saga. In conclusion, stress is not the sweaty-palmed monster hiding under your bed. It is instead a prickly companion, like a hedgehog, whose spines jab you every time you try to get comfortable. Stress is that reliable, ever-present house guest who refuses to leave despite your numerous hints. And honestly, doesn't that sound thrilling? So, let's stop avoiding it. Ready to hug your hedgehog?