In a move that has left economists baffled and trade experts shaking their heads, former President Donald Trump has unveiled a bold new tariff strategy that he calls "The Welcome Back Gift." After a brief hiatus, he has decided to slap staggering taxes on goods from Canada, Mexico, and China—just in time for the holiday season. Trump, who described the new tariffs as “heavier than a 60% tax,” pointed out that this hefty financial obligation is actually just a friendly nudge. "Think of it as a surprise party for our neighbors," he quipped at a recent news briefing. "We're just reminding them that our doors are always open, but it will cost you! It's like charging admission to a friend's barbecue, but instead, you're paying for hotdogs that will never arrive!" Amid claims that the tariffs are meant to combat undocumented migration and the infamous trade deficit, Ms. Leavitt, a cornerstone of Trump’s economic cabinet, chimed in, declaring, “These are promises made and promises kept by the President.” She then added, “And who doesn’t love a surprise tariff? It’s the gift that keeps on giving… in the form of economic confusion.” In a particularly bold prediction, Trump proclaimed that increased taxes on Chinese-made Christmas lights would result in a brighter holiday season for Americans. “Why hang ordinary lights when you can make a statement? Our citizens will surround their houses with tariffs instead—talk about a beautiful display!” Economists, meanwhile, have responded with poetic irony. Noting the potential for skyrocketing prices on everyday goods, one economist commented, “It’s a Christmas miracle! Who needs presents when you can pile up tariffs under the tree?” As Trump continues to dance around the political landscape with his nuanced tariff policy, one thing is clear: his version of “keeping America great” comes with a sticker shock that even Santa Claus would think twice about. As tariffs imposed are set to roll in just as holiday shopping heats up, shoppers everywhere are advised to perhaps wean themselves off of Chinese-made decorations and hope that wooden ornaments made in the USA don’t come with their own set of tax obligations. So this holiday season, remember to pack your wallets and your sense of humor. After all, if tariffs were a gift, they’d surely rank somewhere between socks and coal in the Christmas hierarchy.