In a groundbreaking display of executive enthusiasm, President Trump has announced plans to sign over 200 executive actions on Inauguration Day, effectively rendering Congress as useful as a chocolate teapot. This unprecedented move is being hailed as the ultimate in “presidential efficiency”—because why negotiate with pesky legislators when you can just decree your wishes into law? Sources within the administration have revealed that the executive actions will focus on an eclectic mix of priorities, including but not limited to border security, energy independence, and a revolutionary approach to lowering the cost of living—because nothing says “financial relief” like an all-out assault on hazily defined Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) programs. In an exclusive interview with Fox News Digital, a senior administration official, who requested anonymity due to the sheer magnitude of executive orders being dished out, stated, “Why waste time waiting for Congress to act? At this rate, we’ll actually get things done around here! Fast tracking policy changes has never been so simple; just slap a signature on a piece of paper, and voilà—instant law!” Political experts have been scratching their heads, trying to predict how Congress will respond to Trump’s shop-from-home approach to lawmaking. “Honestly, they might just pack up and go home,” remarked one analyst. “Why show up to work when the president can simply bypass the legislative process with the audacity of an over-caffeinated puppy?” Among the myriad of actions on Trump’s agenda, one standout is the "Great Wall of Energy," a policy aimed at not only finishing the southern border wall but also surrounding it with wind turbines and solar panels, which, ideally, will power the entire U.S. while simultaneously sending a clear message to Congress: “Get on board or get out of the way.” Additionally, the administration is set to release a new line of executive orders titled “Because I Said So” that aims to streamline government processes by eliminating the archaic practice of deliberation. Officials anticipate widespread celebration as Americans finally receive answers they never knew they needed, like “Why does my cat keep looking at me like that?” and “What’s the deal with my neighbor’s lawn?” Critics of the administration have raised concerns about the long-term implications of such sweeping executive actions. In defense, Trump’s team assured the public that these policies will bring “instant gratification” and an increase in motivational memes across social media platforms, guaranteeing likes and shares from people who may or may not live in the same dimension. As Trump prepares for his momentous Inauguration Day, political pundits are left wondering if perhaps the President is onto something revolutionary. After all, if the job of Congress can be surplanted by a pen and a creative imagination, who needs representatives when you have a Commander-in-Chief running the show like an all-you-can-eat buffet? As they say, why negotiate when you can dominate? In a world of bureaucratic snags, President Trump seems determined to prove that sometimes, all you need is a strong arm and a pair of executive orders, perhaps to the sound of applause—or, at the very least, a mildly amused chuckle from a Twitter audience that can’t seem to look away.