In a bold move reminiscent of classic American isolationism, President Trump unveiled his latest initiative, "Saving the Afrikaners," which promises to turn the United States into a sanctuary for the beleaguered descendants of Dutch farmers in South Africa. Citing his dedication to "making America great again," Trump insisted that it was high time the U.S. become a refuge for the Afrikaners, because what better way to address immigration than to invite a new brand of farmers who haven't been up to much for the last three centuries? Standing beside an oversized map of South Africa filled with blueprints of farming machinery and doused in camouflage paint, Trump declared, “These folks were farming long before avocado toast was a thing. We can't let their potato-picking skills go to waste!” He then presented plans for a giant "Afrikaner Farm Zone" near a recently vacated Walmart, complete with a new line of souvenir T-shirts that read, “I helped save an Afrikaner!” The executive order, which took just five minutes to draft according to White House sources, details the systematic resettlement of these farmers, claiming they are facing persecution in their home country. “It’s basically like the underground railroad,” Trump said, “but instead of escaping slavery, they’re escaping a lack of gourmet cheese.” Supporters of the initiative have already gathered outside the White House chanting slogans like, “Save the melk!” and “Keep calm and farm on!” Meanwhile, Democrats have predictably voiced their concerns, suggesting that the initiative might distract from pressing issues like education, healthcare, or the economy. Hillary Clinton's name was mentioned as a likely candidate for a position in the newly formed "Afrikaner Affairs Division," leading to speculation about whether she might finally find her way back into the spotlight. In a tweet that crashed Twitter for several hours, Trump added, “I just want to give the Afrikaners a chance. They’re basically the original farm-to-table champions! Plus, who wouldn’t want a side of biltong with their barbecue?” Critics have raised eyebrows at the President’s masterclass in historical context, gleefully pointing out that the Afrikaners’ agricultural prowess has hardly been challenged by any oppression, especially since they’ve held substantial political power in South Africa for decades. In response, Trump retorted, “Fake news! Have you tasted their Bobotie? It’s a culinary crime that people are allowed to forget it exists!” Meanwhile, the Department of Agriculture has responded by launching an emergency study on whether socially distanced farming can coexist with TikTok dance challenges, while the Fish and Wildlife Service is already lobbying to get “Farming While Black” to trend in an effort to boost diversity in the agricultural sector. As news of the plan circulates, many South Africans are left pondering a simple question: will there be a membership fee for the new Afrikaner club and, if so, can it be paid in peanut butter sandwiches?