In a groundbreaking announcement that has left the sports world reeling, former President Donald Trump declared the International Criminal Court's (ICC) alleged creation of a "shameful moral equivalency" a new Olympic sport, aptly named "Equivocation Skating." This announcement came during a widely circulated press conference where he also inadvertently revealed that the U.S. team was "way too busy playing golf" to participate. Wearing a tracksuit emblazoned with “Make Equivocation Great Again,” Trump outlined the rules of this innovative sport. Contestants will be judged on their ability to draw absurd parallels between two wildly different scenarios while maintaining a straight face. Points will be awarded for each gasp of disbelief from the audience and penalties for any semblance of logic. "The ICC has been doing some tremendous work at undermining their own legitimacy lately," Trump said, gesturing emphatically. "But let’s be honest, they’re no match for the artistic ingenuity of our athletes. They’re out there drawing moral lines like they’re at a kindergarten art class, while our folks are perfecting their swings on the green." When asked about the U.S. team’s lack of interest in competing on the global stage, Trump shrugged and offered, “Golfers have to practice! We’re busy winning the only real games out there.” Sources close to his administration indicate that team USA’s training regimen consists mainly of early tee times followed by rigorous post-golf discussions about the best sandwich options at the clubhouse. In further developments, the President has hinted at future variations of the sport, including “Diplomatic Gymnastics,” where athletes will flip and twist their way around international treaties, and “Policy Diving,” which features competitors leaping into convoluted explanations of national security. The ICC, meanwhile, issued a statement expressing regret that their calls for accountability have been turned into a parody. “We are committed to maintaining our independence, integrity, and impartiality—even in the face of contention that feels like it came from a Saturday Night Live skit.” Despite the serious implications of international law being thrown into the punchline, Trump assured fans that “Equivocation Skating” will capture the spirit of modern diplomacy: entertaining but ultimately a mess. “It’s going to be huge! America will dominate like never before—right after our next golf tournament.” With funding uncertain and the U.S. team's commitment under question, the future of Equivocation Skating remains precarious at best. However, Trump remains undeterred, promising that the next Olympic committee will be “tremendous” and not just “shooting par.” As the world eagerly watches for the next ridiculous twist in this political saga, one thing is clear: the course is set, and it's all a matter of where to place the flagstick.