In what can only be described as the boldest artistic vision since the invention of finger painting, President Trump has officially declared himself the “King of the Arts.” In a whirlwind announcement, he vowed to transform the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts into what he confidently dubbed "The Greatest Show on Earth"—a project he promises will include more than just classical music and sophisticated ballet. “Let’s be honest,” Trump proclaimed from the gilded confines of his Mar-a-Lago estate, “who needs a symphony when you can have a reality TV show about the symphony? We’re going to bring in the top entertainers—much better than these no-name musicians—and we’ll have a red carpet every day! Fake news won’t have anything on us.” The President's plans reportedly involve firing several board members whom he deems insufficiently glamorous and replacing them with some of the biggest names in entertainment—think along the lines of his reality show cast members and perhaps even a few former Miss Universes. “If I’m going to be chairman,” Trump declared, “I want to work with people who can really bring in the ratings. And believe me, the arts need ratings!” Among the proposed changes, the Kennedy Center’s annual gala will be rebranded as "The Trump Arts Spectacular," complete with runway models, fireworks, and a half-time show featuring performances of Trump's own hit single—“You're Fired!” It is unclear if the Kennedy Center's existing productions will continue, but insiders indicate there are plans for “A Very Trumpy Christmas,” featuring reimagined carol lyrics reinforcing his administration's policies. Critics have raised eyebrows at the idea of turning a prestigious arts center into a carnival, but Trump was quick to dismiss their concerns. “Listen, I appreciate art—as long as it’s good art. We’ll hire the best artists, the best sculptors, and possibly turn my likeness into a giant neon sculpture on the front lawn. People will love it!” As news of his ambitious plans circulated, the Kennedy Center’s current operators were reportedly in shock but assured the public that they would “evaluate all options” meaning thousands of angry emails will be sent and the occasional emergency board meeting will be held, likely in an undisclosed location. Dramatic or theatrical changes aside, the President is determined to make it clear he’s the ultimate maestro of this new vision. With a stroke of a pen on Truth Social, he wrote, “ART will not only be beautiful but it needs to make America great again! Mark my words, the best performances are yet to come!” As Twitter exploded with mixed reactions, one thing was certain: the curtain is up on a brand-new chapter in American arts, and it’s about to get a whole lot wilder, glitzier, and perhaps a little less… cultured.