In a bold pivot from traditional crisis management, former President Donald Trump held an impromptu press conference following a plane crash in Washington D.C., alleging that the disaster was the direct result of “Diversity Flight School” policies infiltrating the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA). Standing in front of a makeshift podium adorned with a "Make Air Travel Great Again" banner, Trump seemed determined to turn the tragic event into a political rally, suggesting that DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) initiatives had “screamed into the cockpit” where “real pilots used to fly.” “Folks, this isn’t just any plane crash,” Trump declared, gesticulating wildly. “This is a sign that our air traffic control system has been hijacked by radical leftist policies, making it less about flying and more about feeling good! Ever since they started focusing on who gets to be a pilot based on skin color instead of how well they can land a plane, we've been in trouble!" Trump went on to illustrate his point with an elaborate (and entirely fabricated) anecdote about a “diversity hire” who spent more time attending seminars on inclusive cockpit communication than actually training in aerodynamics. “I heard he didn’t even know what a yoke was! And I’m not talking about the kind you find on an egg!” he quipped, drawing laughter from his supporters who had gathered at the D.C. crash site as if it were a Trump rally. Citing “friend of a friend” reports, Trump further claimed that a “call for equity” had led to the FAA replacing crucial air traffic control training with workshops on “how to hand out participation trophies in the sky.” He accused the Biden administration of “flying blind” and suggested that “soon we’ll need DEI-trained Mickey Mouse pilots instead of real ones.” Experts in aviation safety, meanwhile, remained baffled by the connection. “There’s absolutely no evidence to suggest that DEI policies have influenced air traffic control operations,” stated one disheveled FAA spokeswoman. “In fact, the real issue is related to outdated equipment and insufficient funding. But hey, let’s not let facts get in the way of a good press conference!” Trump concluded the briefing with his trademark catchphrase, “Let’s make flying great again, folks! Power to the pilots of all backgrounds— as long as they pass the test!” He then strutted off to the raucous cheers of his disciples, leaving behind a sea of bewildered reporters scratching their heads at the dazzling blend of tragedy and misinformation they had just witnessed. In an unexpected turn, social media quickly erupted with memes depicting pilots in rainbow capes and “Diversity is Key” stickers on the control panel, much to Trump’s delight. As one tweeter aptly summarized, “Only Trump could blame a plane crash on a college diversity class.” As of now, air traffic controllers have issued an official statement promising to keep their focus on the skies, while simultaneously urging anyone “not trained to fly a jet” to stay grounded in their political commentary.