In a historic summit that can only be described as a two-hour awkward family reunion at Thanksgiving, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and President-elect Donald Trump attempted to redefine their neighbors' relationship status from "It's Complicated" to "Best Friends Forever." Reportedly sipping on maple syrup smoothies while munching on poutine-flavored nachos, Trudeau wasted no time in addressing Trump's unfounded comparison of the Canada-U.S. border to the, shall we say, slightly more chaotic Mexico-U.S. border. As Trump paced the room, trying to fit his hands around the Canadian moose population's statistics, Trudeau leaned in and said, “Look, Donald, if we’re going to compare borders, let’s not use Mexico as our baseline. That’s like putting a luxury yacht next to a rusty rowboat and saying they’re both ‘floating vessels.’” Much of the meeting revolved around Trudeau attempting to explain that the only thing flowing across the Canadian border in abundance were artisanal cheeses and hockey pucks. In an attempt to charm the incoming Commander-in-Tweet, Trudeau laid out a stunning visual presentation featuring graphs made from actual maple leaves depicting the minuscule drug and migrant flow from Canada. “See this? It’s basically a flat line,” he said, pointing at a graph that could have also served as a slope evaluation in a kindergarten classroom. “It’s not even a blip on your radar!” However, things took a surprising turn when Trump admitted that he didn’t actually know where Canada was on a map. “Isn’t it like right above here?” he laughed, jabbing his finger at a picture of a UFO. Trudeau responded with a patient smile, “Yes, but only aliens come from outer space, not Canadian hot dish.” Despite the underlying tension, Trudeau assured Trump that he would still consider opening a new trade route solely for dimensions of Canadian bacon—“the real deal,” he emphasized, after a lengthy tirade about how, unlike southern bacon, it doesn’t involve a border wall. By the end of the summit, both leaders had concocted a plan to break down trade barriers and build bridges, both literally and figuratively, with a promise to rename the Canadian border to “America’s Hat.” Trump was seen tweeting shortly thereafter with a victorious “#BFFs” while Trudeau celebrated by posting a photo of his favorite “Thank You Canada” mug filled with Tim Hortons coffee. As the diplomatic chatter resumed, members of the press mourned the loss of covering actual friction between the two nations because clearly, “frenemy” was just a buzzword from last season. The world awaited more tweets from Trump on how to beautify the border with “tremendous flowers” – perhaps maple leaves would be involved after all. In the end, Canada emerged victorious, reiterating that they were all about “peace, love, and hockey,” while also reminding everyone that they still had more than enough poutine to share, now that trade barriers were under discussion. Sorry, Mexico!