In a groundbreaking trend that has left experts scratching their heads, a monumental wave of sobriety is sweeping through America's high schools, as teens everywhere have collectively decided that having a good time does not require being buzzed out of their minds. The shocking news comes from a national survey revealing that teens are opting to spend their weekends engaging in age-old hobbies like reading, knitting, and even organizing those pesky old photo albums filled with embarrassing childhood memories. Gone are the days when sneaking a six-pack of beer to a friend's garage party was the ultimate act of rebellion. Instead, students are flocking to sober social events, with the hottest new trend being the "No-Drink Dance-Off," where contestants showcase their dance moves fueled solely by the electrifying power of unadulterated sobriety. Participants claim they can bust out moves they never even knew they had—thanks to the lack of a hangover the next day. “I just realized that I can have a great time without feeling foggy the next day,” said high school senior Jessica “The Sober Superstar” Thompson. “I mean, have you ever tried making balloon animals? Turns out, it’s just as exhilarating as anything else I’ve done at a party. Plus, my mom is super proud!” The survey highlights that roughly two-thirds of 12th graders reported a remarkable abstinence from alcohol, marijuana, and those pesky e-cigarettes, leading to speculation that teens have discovered the joys of staying in, watching paint dry, or even creating DIY crafts from recycled materials. “Who knew that scrapbooking while sipping herbal tea could feel so rebellious?” exclaimed Jake “The Creative Crafter” Johnson, a 10th grader who proudly heads his school’s ‘Craft Club.’ Street corner gossip has also revealed that high school kids are embracing early morning jogs, yoga sessions, and potlucks featuring kale-infested dishes that are sure to put even the staunchest party-goers to sleep by mere mention. Thrifty teens have also taken to trading vintage board games instead of trading substances, leading to a renaissance of board game nights that rival the finest bar lounges—minus the happy hour specials. Meanwhile, parents are reportedly thrilled about the new trend, spending their evenings proudly sharing the riveting stories of their children’s wholesome activities on social media. “I could hardly believe it when Amanda told me she and her friends went to a farmers' market last Saturday instead of a party. I was so proud that I posted about it on Facebook. We even got her a ‘No Booze, No Problem’ T-shirt!” said one enthusiastic dad. However, detractors say this trend is a temporary phase, likely to be replaced with rebellious shenanigans as soon as graduation parties roll around. But for now, as teen parties increasingly resemble family-friendly events, one thing is certain: America’s youth has proven that fun doesn't always require a buzz—sometimes, it just takes some good friends, a bunch of snacks, and the unbelievably thrilling ability to stay sobered-up and selfie-ready!