Title: "5 Fabulous Ways to Sabotage Your Sleep" Hello, dear insomniacs! Are you fed up with endless counts of sheep and drowning in chamomile tea? Does the thought of a peaceful eight-hour sleep give you shivers? Do you yearn for those dark circles under your eyes? Well, you're in the right place to achieve horrid sleep deprivation with these outstandingly unhealthy habits. Here are five fabulous ways to sabotage your sleep like a pro: #1: Maintain a Love Affair with Electronic Devices Make blue light your best friend. Computers, phones, tablets – you name it. These should be your last resort of the day and the first in the morning. Be sure to huddle up in your blanket with the dimmed, cozy screen of your mobile phone, scrolling mindlessly through social media feeds, binge-watching Netflix or playing intense late-night gaming sessions. Remember, the key is to do all these 30 minutes before sleep - a perfect recipe to jumble your circadian rhythm and lead you to the peaks of sleep deprivation. #2: Worship Caffeine Most health blogs and doctors will tell you to quit caffeine or limit it to the daytime, but we say otherwise. Get that late-night espresso shot, or guzzle that energy drink while watching your favorite episode of "The Walking Dead." Caffeine will gift you that starry-eyed, wide awake scenario, making your night excitingly restless. #3: Fad Diet with Heavy Late-Night Snacking Consider eating a gigantic carb-heavy, spicy meal just before going to bed. Pizza slices, chili con carne, or hot wings – the spicier, the better. Your gut will be so busy, it would forget to give your brain a go signal for sleep. #4: Embrace the Chaos Every time you think of setting a regular sleep schedule, laugh out loud, and throw that thought in the air! Your aim should be unpredictability. Go to bed at 4 pm one day and maybe 3 am the next day. Following a strict sleeping schedule is as boring as mowing the lawn while rates fluctuate so unpredictably yet entertainingly like a rollercoaster ride. #5: Make Your Bed an All-Purpose Arena Turn your bedroom into a multitasking hub – an office, a dining room, a gym, a cinema. Sleep experts would tell you to associate your bed just with sleeping - how utterly dull! Keep your mind guessing whether it’s time to work, eat, exercise, or sleep every time you head towards the bed. By following these fabulous tips, you're sure to master the dark art of sleep deprivation. You can finally wave goodbye to boring dreams and hello to caffeine-induced midnight musings! So gear up to see your dark circles reach out to new depths – literally! 'Sleep well', they say? 'Sleep never', we say. Remember; sleep, according to the Sleepless Champions Society, is for the weak! (Don't mind the yawning.) Disclaimer: In case it hasn’t been clear enough, this satire article does NOT encourage unhealthy sleep habits. Please follow sensible sleep habits for your health's sake– unless you are a sleep-depriving superhero.