In an earth-shattering revelation that has sent tremors through both the electric vehicle (EV) and culinary communities, a group of aspiring innovators have announced a groundbreaking “affordable” alternative to the expensive lithium-ion battery. This new technology? Salt. Yes, the same ubiquitous condiment that has been seasoning our food for centuries and drawing cries of dietary warning is now being heralded as the savior of the EV industry. Cue the confetti… and perhaps a sprinkle of irony. The ingenious concept was unveiled at the annual “Salt & Sustainability” summit, where a small startup named “Salti-Solve” claimed that by using salt in their battery design, they could effectively reduce the cost of manufacturing by a staggering 95%. “Imagine the cost savings!” exclaimed a company spokesperson, shoving a fistful of table salt into an oversized battery replica. “It’s like using instant ramen for dinner instead of filet mignon!” The pitch has already attracted a throng of desperate investors, who, hoodwinked by the alluring prospect of an EV revolution that doesn't involve remortgaging their homes, are now ardently throwing dollars at the endeavor. Critics, however, have been left to wonder how on earth a product made from kitchen seasoning will fare against the elements of nature. “I can’t wait to watch the weather channel report on snowstorms being the doom of EVs,” said one skeptical expert. “Can you imagine getting stranded on the freeway because your ‘salt-tastic’ battery turned into a bag of potato chips?” While Salti-Solve boasts of its sustainability and environmental benefits—after all, they’re literally advocating harnessing the planet’s saline supplies—industry veterans have raised concerns about, you know, the possibility of salt water. They jokingly suggested that startup employees should be “required to sign a waiver” before driving their salty contraptions, just to ensure they’re completely onboard with the concept of being stuck on the side of the road while waiting for an ECB (Emergency Coarse Berth) to arrive. The highlighted features of these new salt batteries include “amazing conductivity” and “a delightful crunch when mismanaged.” At the presentation, everyone was encouraged to taste the prototype that had yet to be waterproofed. Nothing says innovation like a little risk of electrical shock with your brunch, right? One courageous spectator enthusiastically reported that the salty concoction tasted like defeat—a fitting metaphor, perhaps, for the entire venture. The pin-up marketing campaign proclaims “Salt Your Batteries!” while simultaneously assuring buyers that “no, seriously, this was not thought through.” Social media influencers have already begun to promote the new batteries, while jokingly reminding the masses to keep them away from their fries. As we plunge into an uncertain future where the promise of affordable EVs faces unprecedented doom, it seems that reality is seasoning our dreams with a hefty dose of irony. Motorists can only hope that the prevailing question for the innovative minds at Salti-Solve is: will they run on soy sauce next? Until then, let’s keep the salt shakers at bay, lest we end up needing a major detox from this salty, battery-fueled fiasco.