In a stunning twist that no one saw coming (mostly because we all stopped paying attention), Party City has announced its final curtain call: a "Going Out of Business Party" where attendees must come dressed as their most cherished memories of the retailer—costumes not included. Guests are encouraged to don their nostalgic party hats, while management provides tissues to wipe away the inevitable tears as the beloved chain drifts into the annals of history. CEO Barry Litwin, in a heartfelt farewell video, told employees that the company just couldn’t juggle the pressures of inflation and tight-fisted consumers. “We realize everyone enjoys a good celebration,” he said, adjusting his clown nose. “But we’ve come to accept that the biggest party of all is the one where we all go home and turn off the lights.” As the last helium balloons deflate over the aisles of party hats and piñatas, the countdown to a liquidation-filled weekend begins. Early reports suggest that eager shoppers have already begun lining up for the sweet smell of discounts—though it’s difficult to tell whether they’re more excited about the prices or just the sheer thrill of watching a beloved store go belly up. Experts say the Going Out of Business Party is sure to rival previous events in history, like those notable sales at Blockbuster and RadioShack, both of which changed consumer behavior forever. “It’s like a wake, but with more streamers and fewer mourners!” said one enthusiastic shopper. Moreover, the event promises heartache—bottled up emotions, spilled soda, and long-lost party memories will be just a part of the experience as customers reminisce about birthdays not celebrated, Halloween costumes never worn, and fourth-grade themed parties that took a disastrous turn. Family therapists are reportedly on standby, offering group therapy sessions titled “Letting Go of Our Inner Party Animal.” While some employees will don their final aprons for one last shift, others were informed that their role as “Party Planner” will now become a deeply introspective exercise in "Why Didn't They See This Coming?" Human resources are reportedly drafting a memo entitled “Dear Employees, Yes, We Offered Balloon Bouquets, But No, They Did Not Float the Company.” In an attempt to recapture the hearts (and dollars) of consumers, Party City is also inviting the public to bring their own playlists to the party. Suggested tracks include “Bye Bye Bye” by NSYNC, “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor, and “Party’s Over” by a host of forlorn millennials who are still coping with their “adulting” reality. As the lights dim and the final cash register rings, Party City’s loyal attendees prepare for their curtain call in a mélange of mixed emotions, the kind of confusion usually reserved for high school reunions. And as for Party City's future? Well, folks, let's just say the real party has moved on—right into the hearts of a new generation, one that doesn’t remember living epic celebrations in plastic aisles but rather had grander dreams realizing they could just order everything online. Cheers to years of glitter—and now just a little bit of gloom!