In a shocking turn of events that has left environmentalists shaking their heads and tourists blissfully snapping selfies, New York State officials have announced their unwavering dedication to preserving the breathtaking beauty of Niagara Falls—while conveniently ignoring the toxic sludge pooling in the rivers nearby. The majestic waterfall, a hallmark of natural wonder and Instagram feeds, has become the unlikely poster child for the state’s latest initiative: “See the Falls, Smell the Toxicity!” “Who doesn’t want to experience the full spectrum of nature?” said one unruffled state spokesperson, sipping a suspiciously bright green beverage while gazing into the distance. “We believe that a little bit of industrial runoff adds character to the landscape. It’s not just about preserving beauty; it’s about enhancing the overall experience.” Tourists, blissfully unaware of the lurking dangers, have flocked to the area despite reports of water tests yielding results reminiscent of a chemistry experiment gone wrong. “It’s like a game! You never know if you’re going to see a rainbow or a warning label when you look at the water,” exclaimed a cheerful visitor who had just splashed her hand in the decidedly non-crystal-clear waters. “Gotta love the thrill of nature!” In a bold move to obfuscate the problem, the state has launched a marketing campaign titled “Refreshing Splash or Toxic Dash?” which encourages visitors to engage in a “pollution appreciation hike.” The state’s tourism board has graciously provided complimentary gas masks and neon-orange OTG (On-the-Go) filtration straws, ensuring every guest can sip from the soggy “natural” wonder in style. Local businesses have jumped into the fray with inventive promotions. A popular diner now features a “Toxic Brew Special”—a colorful concoction made from the local water, served with a wet-nap and a complimentary medical disclaimer. “We like to keep things authentic,” chuckled the diner’s owner while flipping burgers over an open flame displaying a remarkable shade of emerald green. “If the food doesn’t kill you, it’ll at least give you a cool story to tell.” Meanwhile, environmental experts have been mysteriously absent from the conversation, presumably caught under the hypnotic spell of a “Love the Falls” promotional video, which heavily features stock footage of nature and soothing piano music. “Taking care of the environment is important, but have you seen those cascading waters? It’s like something out of a fairy tale!” said one official, who later admitted he hadn’t actually visited the falls in person since 1995. Longtime residents of the area, however, paint a different picture. “We used to swim in these waters,” lamented a local fisherman, who now spends his days casting lines into the murky depths while simultaneously Googling “toxic effects of river pollution.” “Now, I just watch the tourists frolic with their selfie sticks—it’s like a horror movie playing out in real life.” As the sun sets over the falls, casting a breathtaking glow over the toxic swirl, a local bard has taken to composing songs about the irony of it all. The crowd gathers as he strums an acoustic guitar, crooning, “Oh Niagara, where beauty falls, amidst the poison, through it all.” And with every passing day, the state continues to stand by its commitment to both nature and neglect, ensuring that a “brilliant” tourism strategy remains firmly in place for the near future.