In a shocking turn of events that has left residents scratching their heads while simultaneously munching on burritos, New Mexico has officially declared its green chile—once considered a sizzling symbol of pride and culinary delight—ineffective in spicing up the ever-spiraling decline of the state. Local government officials held an emergency meeting at a taco stand to discuss the alarming state of affairs, only to realize they had forgotten to bring any salsa. Governor Loco, who was seen wearing a sombrero and a chile mascot suit, addressed the crowd at the impromptu press conference. "We tried everything, folks. We even cooked a pot of green chile so spicy that it brought tears to the eyes of the state legislature, but unfortunately, it did not help us balance the budget. At this point, our only hope is to start selling it on eBay as ‘New Mexico’s last defense against boredom,’" he exclaimed, while doubtful legislators nodded as if they were considering the valuation. According to a recent government study, unemployment rates are higher than a bald eagle flying over the Sandias. In a desperate bid to boost the economy, officials proposed a new campaign entitled, “Green Chile: The Flavor of Desperation.” Billboards have begun popping up across the state with slogans like, “At least it’s hotter than our job market!” and “Come for the green chile, stay because you can’t afford to leave!” Meanwhile, local farmers have joined forces with a group of amateur comedians to launch “Chiles Against Decline,” a quirky initiative aimed at bringing laughter (and maybe some cash) back to the state. They plan to host stand-up comedy nights in cornfields, where attendees can sip on piquant green chile margaritas while enjoying jokes like, “Why did the green chile break up with the jalapeño? It thought things were getting too hot and heavy!” Despite these efforts, it appears that the green chile continues to wilt under the pressure. Tourist numbers have dwindled, and travelers now largely avoid the Land of Enchantment in favor of states with something more thrilling to offer—like, well, potholes and overpriced gas. A local business owner lamented, “I tried to come up with a special ‘Green Chile and Gloom’ discount to bring people in, but I just ended up scaring them away with my honesty.” Despite the grim outlook if things don’t improve soon, some enterprising New Mexicans are already developing “New Mexico-themed” products to cope with the situation. Just last week, a local company unveiled “Chili-Infused Stress Balls,” claiming they’re the perfect remedy for the rising pressure of daily life in a declining economy. "If squeezing something that feels like our economy can't lift your spirits," the spokesperson said, "at least they smell fantastic!" As the green chile crisis continues to simmer, New Mexicans are desperately trying to see the humor in the situation. The unofficial state motto, "At least it's not as bad as other states," is gaining traction as locals huddle together at chili cook-offs, hoping that laughter—along with a hefty portion of salsa verde—might just be the secret ingredient needed to rediscover their lost spark. Because if there’s one thing New Mexico has certainly proven, it’s that when life gives you lemons, you should try to make some green chile lemonade, or at least use it as a topping for your next taco!