In a bold and somewhat bewildering attempt to revitalize diplomatic relations with the Afghan government, a team of US diplomats has landed in Kabul, armed with a strategy that involves both diplomacy and an in-depth understanding of local potholes, which, according to a recent study, outnumber the actual citizens in some districts. While the original plan involved high-level discussions on governance and security, it quickly became clear that the negotiations would more likely hinge on the art of avoiding the dramatically oversized craters dotting the streets of Kabul. With every step, negotiators found themselves either launching into a serious discussion or twirling like gymnasts to avoid a misstep that could shatter both their ankles and their credibility. “The last thing we want to do is to fall into one of these potholes while discussing serious political issues,” cautioned lead negotiator Abigail Freewind. “That could send the wrong message about our ability to navigate complex situations… literally.” At a recent, well-publicized summit held in a local tea house—chosen for its reputation as a safe haven from ambushes and potholes alike—tensions ran high as diplomats attempted to sip their tea without spilling it all over their diplomatic attire. “Nothing says ‘trust’ like a hot cup of green tea splattered on your lap,” muttered one negotiator, who chose to remain nameless for fear of ruining his future reputation in the beverage-spilling negotiations arena. The discussions turned heated when a surprise guest—a local car repairman known as “Tireless Talib”—was invited to lend his expertise on how best to fix the pothole crisis. His powerful arguments included extensive proposals for tire repair subsidies, instant pothole-patching kits, and a clear mandate that US military vehicles should undergo rigorous Pothole Avoidance Training (PAT). In a minor victory for the diplomats, they successfully negotiated a limited crossing of the local market, where they were met with smiles, enthusiasm, and a slight but telling increase in tea spills. "We just wanted to show respect for local custom," explained one diplomat, frantically dabbing his shirt with a napkin after a particularly aggressive pour. “After all, who doesn’t bond over a lovely episode of cha spilling?” As negotiations progress, the diplomats have been warned of potential political landmines—of both the literal and figurative variety—along this delicately crafted path toward understanding. According to insiders, further talks are planned to take place in an adjacent rustling field dubbed “The Field of Pothole Diplomacy,” where attendees can roll around in the grass safely and engage in lively debates about foreign policy, the economy, and the best way to avoid some very large, brown puddles left behind by melted snow. At the end of the day, it looks like everyone in Kabul is unified in one goal: avoiding awkward moments, whether it’s a political misstep or a teacup misfire. Onlookers are optimistic—if nothing else, at least these negotiations are paving the way for a new kind of talk: one where government policy meets tea spills in a puff of laughter, and where potholes become less of a barrier and more of a jumping-off point for political innovation. It seems that Kabul might just end up with a coalition founded not only on political ideals but also an impressive array of well-refurbished streets, thanks to the entire effort being backed by the latest groundbreaking initiative: “If You Fix the Potholes, They Will Negotiate.”