In a ground-breaking new study that will shock absolutely nobody, scientists have declared that the extreme wildfires, melting ice caps, and superstorms are not subtle signs that Mother Nature might be just a wee bit peeved with us. Evidently, all those wildfires aren’t just spontaneous combustion, and those melting ice caps aren't seasonal. Nope, it's us. We're to blame. The scientific community, following years of research that we’ve all been blithely ignoring because, let’s face it, ignorance is bliss, have confirmed that human activity is in fact accelerating climate change. This shocking revelation was apparently spurred on by witnessing our deep-seated love for pumping copious amounts of carbon dioxide into the already polluted atmosphere, chopping down forests as if we're competing for a world record, and our general negligible attitude towards the planet. “This isn’t Mother Nature's equivalent of a mild hot flush, no, this is our planet having a full-blown hissy fit due to human behaviour,” said Professor ‘I Told You So’ from the ‘University of the Bleeding Obvious’. “As the planet's fever spikes, so too does the frequency and intensity of natural disasters. But don't worry, it's only the home of every species on earth we're gambling with." In an effort to maintain equilibrium, governments have neatly apportioned the blame to consumers, urging everyone to recycle more, use less plastic, and drive less. Yet, odd as it may sound, they continue to hand out drilling permits, approve coal plant constructions, and practice deforestation like it’s going out of style. Strangely, one might suspect these activities might just have a smidgen more impact than Aunt Betsy forgetting to recycle her milk bottle. Pessimists among us could be forgiven for assuming that it’s a touch too late to halt this rapid descent into environmental chaos. However, fear not, the scientists have a plan, because apparently expecting a substantial behavioural change at this juncture is laughably optimistic. Their grand design: convince everyone of the reality of climate change by getting Mother Nature to unleash hellfire and brimstone. If that fails, there’s always the backup plan of moving to Mars. “There we can enjoy all the luxuries of a dead planet without having done the deed ourselves,” intoned Professor 'We're Screwed'. “Mars: a paradise, where the sky is perpetually the colour of Donald Trump’s face and the year-round temperature is a delightful minus 55 degrees Celsius.” In the meantime, as we argue whether switching to LED light bulb will save the world or not, Mother Nature is somewhere in the background, rolling her eyes, already planning her extreme retaliation. Should we just start packing for Mars?