In a bold move to revitalize its menu and capture the attention of health-conscious consumers, McDonald's has announced the launch of its latest special: the Quarter Pounder with a Side of E. Coli. The fast-food giant aims to make dining at their establishments an "interactive experience," allowing customers to engage with their food in ways previously thought impossible. "We've always believed in pushing the boundaries of flavor," said a McDonald's spokesperson. "Now, we’re pushing the boundaries of food safety! With our new E. Coli side dish, we’re inviting customers to experience a taste adventure that’s both unique and viral—literally!" In an effort to promote this daring new feature, McDonald's has decided to offer the Quarter Pounder at a steep discount. For a limited time, customers can purchase the iconic burger while also signing a waiver releasing the company from any liability related to gastrointestinal issues. "We see this as a way to build trust. After all, who wouldn't want to sign off on their food safety?" the spokesperson added. However, not everyone is thrilled about the new addition to the menu. Health experts are raising concerns, particularly after reports that the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention linked the outbreak to the Quarter Pounders. One expert remarked, "While the idea of a gourmet burger may excite some, the reality of E. Coli is far from appetizing. It’s a public health issue, not a marketing campaign." In response to the backlash, McDonald's has dispatched their “Health and Safety” team to re-evaluate food safety protocols. The chain is reportedly introducing an innovative cooking method, incorporating a "hotter, faster, and slightly more questionable" grill setting to ensure any potential contaminants are obliterated—hopefully. McDonald’s has also decided to phase out slivered onions, claiming they were "the most likely suspect" in the E. Coli outbreak. "They were just getting too wild in our sandwiches," the spokesperson stated with a wink. Customers can now accessorize their burgers with safe, bland condiments like ketchup and mayonnaise, further enhancing the health-conscious image the fast-food chain strives for amidst the current crisis. As the investigation continues, fans are keeping a close eye on social media, dubbing the Quarter Pounder with a Side of E. Coli the “latest in fast-casual cuisine.” Meanwhile, customers are flocking to neighboring fast-food establishments, hoping to clear their palates of anything that remotely resembles an outbreak. When asked if they would consider trying the new specialty, one customer replied, “I’ll stick with fries, thanks. But hey, at least there are no side effects with those!”