In a thrilling display of clinical precision and masterful athleticism, Manchester United exited the FA Cup in a manner as graceful as a giraffe on roller skates. The Red Devils, renowned for their football prowess, transformed into the Red Dubious for their fifth-round penalty shootout against Fulham, an encounter that could only be described as a “masterclass in comedic timing.” As the clock ticked towards destiny in the form of penalties, the much-ballyhooed Victor Lindelöf and the enigmatic Joshua Zirkzee each took the responsibility of delivering Manchester United's dreams straight into the hands of Fulham's chief jester, goalkeeper Bernd Leno. Lindelöf, likely caught in the crossfire of a momentary existential crisis, opted for a kick that set the bar for the definition of “off target.” Zirkzee, possibly inspired by Leno's impromptu stand-up routine in goal, delivered a shot that whisked past the net like the hopes of Manchester United’s fans, leaving them grasping at air. As Fulham celebrated a 4-3 victory in the shootout, one couldn’t help but admire their commitment to the grand tradition of Engaging Entertainment — a far cry from Manchester’s valiant but ultimately futile quest for back-to-back FA Cup glory. For Manchester fans, the evening was a departure from reality, forcing them to grapple with the idea that their team could indeed miss the target—like a YouTube tutorial gone awry. The match itself had the charm and excitement of a three-hour lecture on the history of paint drying, with both squads seemingly committed to a tactical standoff that resembled more of a game of checkers than football. Fulham, with the finesse of a craftsman assembling IKEA furniture without the instructions, managed to navigate the 120 minutes of tepid action with surprising resilience. They emerged victorious not through brute force but rather by showcasing the sheer wit and agility needed to dodge the bullet of Manchester United’s attacking prowess—or lack thereof. When the drama of the penalties unfolded, it was as if someone had mistakenly signed Fulham up for a comedy show rather than a football match. Leno, taking center stage, not only saved the day but also managed to earn himself a one-man show titled "How to Rob a Bank: A Goalkeeper’s Guide to Escaping Pressure." His antics, undoubtedly reduced to viral clips within minutes, had fans wondering whether they would rather pay to see him perform live on stage than witness another penalty shootout. As Fulham fans revelled in what they would surely recall as "the night our goalkeeper became a legend," Manchester United supporters were left wondering if their real opponents had taken the form of a cosmic force, one that aimed to explore the depths of futility in the penalty area. For now, United's cup dreams have been temporarily suspended, whilst Fulham, having waltzed through the door of destiny, proceed onward with hopes of a brighter cup journey—one done in jest, of course.