In a stunning display of proactive neglect, Lake Powell Plumbing has announced a temporary fix to the “slight” leak at the Glen Canyon Dam, effectively applying a metaphorical Band-Aid to what some might call a waterfall of problems. Experts agree that the dam, a modern marvel built with the structural integrity of a jenga tower on a windy day, is on the brink of not just a break but an existential crisis, leaving engineers wondering if they’re in a disaster movie or simply running a bizarre social experiment in the desert. The grand unveiling of the fix—consisting of duct tape, a prayer, and a healthy dose of optimism—has garnered praise from local politicians, who have dubbed the effort a "masterclass in crisis management." “As long as the tourists keep coming to enjoy the views, we’ll hold off on thinking too hard about the dam’s impending doom,” said an unnamed official while balancing a large slice of cake with ‘Crisis Averted!’ inscribed on it in frosting. Meanwhile, the Lake Powell Water Sports Association held an emergency meeting to discuss how “getting really creative" could turn the potential flooding into a lucrative water park attraction. “Imagine this—Glen Canyon Rapids: The Overflow Experience!” shouted one enthusiastic member, already sketching water slide designs on the back of a napkin. “Just think of the sponsorship deals. Who wouldn’t want to ride ‘Downpour Drop’?” Local environmentalists have expressed concerns that the temporary fix will “totally” prevent vital river ecosystems from collapsing entirely, emphasizing that they would appreciate a more permanent solution but are perfectly fine with an overtly bandaged approach for the time being. “At this point, we might as well celebrate the chaos,” one activist remarked, sipping on a cocktail made from a dubious blend of water rights and desperation. Experts have also weighed in, with one leading hydrologist stating that while the planet is definitely heating up and the dam could be the next set-piece in the sequel to ‘Dante’s Peak’, it’s all really about perspective. “We could look at this as a crisis, or we could reframe it as an opportunity for growth—both for us and for the fish,” they explained, nodding vigorously, while struggling to control the collective anxiety evident amongst their peers. Critics of the temporary fix are still scratching their heads, attempting to calculate how many plastic flamingos it would take to plug the dam’s gushing hole. However, the real question remains: how many nautical-themed lawn ornaments can one put in a reservoir before everything goes horribly wrong? Looking ahead, the government has promised to allocate a whopping $12 to the situation, divided methodically among the most pressing needs: one pizza for the task force and a single lottery ticket for the project manager. With plans to possibly reconsider the aforementioned pizza choice depending on the outcome of the drawing, everyone seems relaxed about the dam’s future as they kick back with a family pack of hot wings while staring idly at the encroaching doom. In the end, as the sun sets over Lake Powell—casting a calming glow on what could soon resemble a scene from an apocalyptic blockbuster—community leaders are certain of only one thing: they’ll be ready with their cameras when the inevitable happens. After all, who could resist capturing in high-def the moment when history, and several tons of concrete, comes crashing down?