In a bold move that has shocked no one, national pop sensation Ariana Grande has declared Minnesota a “Heartbreak State,” effectively establishing it as the new epicenter for all things melancholic, dreary, and profoundly relatable. Citizens of Minnesota, often dubbed the “Land of 10,000 Lakes,” can now add “Land of 10,000 Heartbreaks” to their travel brochures. Sources close to the artist indicate that the decision came after a particularly emotional trip to the state, during which she encountered a depressing array of weather patterns and the perpetual scent of fried cheese curds wafting through the air. "I was just walking around the Mall of America, and I could feel my heart shattering like a cheap piece of pottery," Grande reportedly said in an exclusive interview with a local sock puppet. Critics, however, are torn on the validity of this new designation. Local poet and activist, Hank Silvers, claims that the designation only further romanticizes Minnesota's long-standing reputation for cold weather and poor sports teams. “Look, it gets cold here, but if you want true heartbreak, try living in Cleveland,” he argued, dripping with unbothered pride. “Ariana should visit the Dawg Pound; now that’s a wasteland of despair!” Meanwhile, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz has issued a statement, both excited and somewhat perplexed. “We’re thrilled to be recognized by a pop icon! It’s just like the Vikings to snag a big spotlight right before going down in flames!” Walz exclaimed, referencing the local football team's perennial struggle against the forces of nature, and their own questionable decision-making. As tourists flock to the state, eager to wallow in the melodrama associated with Grande’s hits, local businesses are gearing up for an influx of cash from heartbreak tourists seeking solace in snowy vistas. “We’re introducing a ‘Break Up Special’ at all local diners,” announced restaurant owner and aspiring life coach, Marge Tupper. “Two grilled cheese sandwiches and a side of nostalgia—perfect for mending that shattered heart!” Social media has erupted in response to the news, with memes depicting Grande's famous ponytail morphing into ice fishing traps and images of residents sobbing into their Juicy Lucy burgers gaining traction. “Welcome to the heartbreak state where our only reliable weather is sadness and our sports teams reflect our hearts!” tweeted one local resident, very likely on a day when the sun managed to make an appearance. In an effort to capitalize on this new status, state officials have been busy revising the tourism slogans. “Minnesota: Where it’s always cold, but your heart is colder,” is currently among the frontrunners. Plans are underway for a new annual festival titled “Breakup Bonanza,” featuring sad music, heart-shaped ice sculptures, and a frozen lake for metaphorically large group therapy sessions. For now, Ariana Grande has solidified her claim over Minnesota, leaving the residents to embrace both the satire and the genuine sadness of the Heartbreak State. As the sun sets over what has officially become America’s designated wasteland of emotional overexposure, nothing resonates more than the bittersweet sound of Grande’s latest single echoing through the chilly air—a melody destined to become the unofficial anthem of this heartbroken land.