In a bold move that shocked absolutely no one, London’s activist community has launched a groundbreaking initiative to insure disaster—specifically, the impending collapse of the fossil fuel industry. Dubbed “ClimateCoverage,” the venture humorously turns the tables on the very backers of climate destruction in a way only those with an excess of irony could dream up. The premise is simple: for a small monthly fee, organizations and individuals contributing to fossil fuel projects can now purchase “disaster insurance.” This financial product promises to cover the costs of everything from climate catastrophes to public backlash, ensuring that no investor goes broke while the planet melts beneath their feet. Buyers are also encouraged to get additional coverage for personal guilt and existential crises—emotional support for living in a sinking ship, they call it. Late last week, a group of activists donned matching “Burning Cash” T-shirts to kick off the campaign outside the London headquarters of the British Petroleum Company, where they passed out brochures advertising the unique policies available. “Why should only the fossil fuel CEOs cash out while the rest of us fry?” one activist proclaimed, their voice dripping with sarcasm. “Now they can protect themselves from their own delightful investments!” Among the available plans, the “Earth is Toast” basic package covers property damage caused by rising sea levels, wildfires sparked by climate change, and even a side option for ugly confrontations with angry polar bears. For those willing to dig a little deeper into their pockets, the “Climate Catastrophist” premium provides coverage for personal injuries suffered during protests, including but not limited to paper cuts from protest signs, bruises from the occasional security scuffle, and emotional trauma from being ignored on social media. The campaign has already found traction online, with investment firms expressing confusion over whether to laugh out loud or take it seriously. A spokesperson for one well-known fossil fuel conglomerate commented, “It’s actually brilliant. Why bother regulating us when we can just insure against it? Sounds like a win-win for shareholders and apocalypse enthusiasts alike.” While ClimateCoverage is doing brisk business, it has also inadvertently spawned additional demands. Stalwarts of the movement are now clamoring for “pitchfork insurance,” designed to protect activists from potential lawsuits and backlash for the use of risqué slogans like “Fossil Fuels: Yesterday’s News” plastered on protest banners. As climate change screams forward like a runaway train, the campaign has sparked a debate over the ethics of monetizing the destruction of the planet. When asked about their motivations, the activists made it clear: “Sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying. If we’re going to effectively wreak havoc on their profits, why not help them hedge their bets while we’re at it?” As ClimateCoverage expands beyond London, the Paris branch is reportedly working on “Cozy Catastrophe,” tailored for the fashion-conscious eco-warrior who wants to look fabulous while lamenting a chaotic future. It seems the only thing collecting dust is the fossil fuel industry’s credibility—soon to be insured against a slew of relatable disasters, ironically wrapped in colorful pamphlets that no one will ever read.